Moody Meditations On Middle Age – Pt. 2 – It Ain’t About How Hard You Can Hit…

I was pregnant and on a trans-Atlantic flight, sitting next to a guy I think was a Harley-Davidson mechanic. I kid you not. He was all tatted and goateed up and I was… well…bulging and hormonal. The movie on this flight was Rocky. Not the original. The sixth one. Where Rocky is truly an old man and looking for one more shot in the ring. I know, I know… I thought the same thing. “Come on…how many times will they make the same movie over and over again…” But I was wrong. So wrong.

This movie is a beautiful mediation on desire. On growing old. On the importance of identity and relationship and accomplishment. On fear and the choices we make. Well written, well acted – and even though I was sure it was going to bomb, it won me over totally. Sort of like Rocky in the ring. Don’t ever count him out.

And somewhere in the middle of it, it made me cry. No, it made me sob. What moved me was Rocky’s speech to his son, where he is trying to encourage him to become all he can be. It is a dramatic reversal in that while Rocky is the one going into the ring, it is his son who is afraid.

He said something so profound, so uniquely targeted to where I was in life that it literally opened my heart right then and there, right next to Harley-guy and in the midst of a plane full of strangers. Let me quote some of the speech and highlight the part that undid me.

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that! 

This is a lesson from middle age. By this time, most of us have figured out just how hard life can hit. We’ve realized we won’t get many of the dreams we had in our youth. We’ve felt the pain of a sucker punch, a roundhouse to the gut that takes the wind out of us. We’ve lost things. We’ve maybe come to grips with our average-ness and the fact that we don’t hit nearly as hard as we thought we did.

And a decision is in our corner now. In fact, I would suggest that middle age is really about choices. For me, much of the first half of my life involved many happy accidents. God’s providence guiding me to the right place at the right time. I didn’t really know what I was doing most of the time. But now…I know… And the questions are, “What will I do with what I know now? What will I do with this Jesus I’ve loved for years, but not really understood? What will I do with the gifts and talents and resources given me? Who will I become as I continue to walk the road of sanctification and transformation into who God made me to be?” 

Will I quit? And there are lots of ways to quit by the way. You can leave the ring literally, or just begin sleep-walking through the motions. Checking out emotionally. Doing just enough to maintain and medicate. Many do. Or am I brave enough to stay in the ring, take the hits and keep moving forward?

Cause that’s how winning is done.

Permission To Come Undone (Being Human pt. 6)

I was talking with a friend of mine recently and she is one of ‘those’ kinds of friends. You know the type. She knows how to ask the right question, how to listen intently and wait as long as it takes to get the real answer, the right answer and to make you feel safe enough that if you wanted to…you could cry with her. And it would totally be ok.

Unfortunately, those sorts of people are few and far between.

At the start of our conversation I decided to throw out a test question, to see if I had read her correctly and if she was indeed as safe as I thought. I asked it with some context that isn’t important here and also in a genuinely light-hearted manner, so it wasn’t quite as awkward as it will seem. “So… if I come undone today during our time together, that’s ok, right?” Without batting an eye,  with a smile and gentle chuckle even, she replied, “You have complete permission to come undone.”

As I reflected on our conversation that day, I wondered why her words stuck with me. Could it have been her comfort with whatever form of emotion I chose to express? Her invitation for me to be as real or as vulnerable as I wanted? Maybe it was how she managed to create a safe place for us to talk and exchange more than just information. And I thought about how few places there are in my life where I have permission to come undone.

I found it sort of sad that somehow our emotions aren’t always as welcome into a conversation as our intellect or humor. What does it say about my normal conversational style and rhythms that I felt I needed permission from another person to express how I felt? Aren’t my emotions a valid and important part of who I am? And why is it that I am not always comfortable with this part of me or this part of others when it is their turn to come undone?

Jesus meets us in our humanity. This is the main thesis of the series entitled Being Human. There are things in our most fleshly, most earthly, most human parts that Jesus loves to inhabit, to speak to, to heal, to change, to redeem, to restore, to love. Jesus made us humans and He made us human. This includes our tears.

There are times we come undone and it is very much ok. Natural. Healthy. Those times when emotion bubbles and pours out of us. And while I can’t fully explain it, sometimes part of the undoing process must involve others – being with those who know how to guide us into and out of our undoing. Then we learn, when it is our turn, to walk others into and out of their undoing. While there is certainly a time for crying alone, I’m not sure that is how God planned it. It seems to me that when we learn to weep together, and this part of our humanity becomes ok in community, something powerful happens.

We connect. We learn to trust someone else with our pain. Shame dissipates. We humble ourselves with each other, cracking the door to greater relational depth. We learn to open our hearts in the presence of others, making peace with who God has made us to be, even when it is a bit messy. Or a lot messy. Jesus shows up and inhabits those moments, using us in each others lives to begin the process of ‘undoing’ what sin has done – and to begin the process of ‘re-doing’ us in His image.

So I’ve been wondering, when people are talking with me, am I a safe person? Am I comfortable enough in my own skin and with my own emotional health to invite others to be as real as they choose, to express whatever they feel with no fear of rejection or shame? Am I a good enough conversationalist that I can lead and/or follow people to talk about things that are important enough, where we get beyond just the head and maybe, just maybe, delve into the arena of the heart?

And am I willing to go first when appropriate?

Kommen Sie aus Niederland? (Do you come from the Netherlands?) (Being Human pt. 3)

I had a really great cross-cultural experience last summer while traveling in Europe.  I was on a train station platform in Salzburg (which is a really fun sentence to write) and I ended up standing next to a university age girl traveling with a big back pack. So I did what most Americans do, especially those of us in university ministry. I started small talking. But I did it in German. No English at all.

We chatted for 5 minutes or so about all sorts of things, mainly where we had just come from, where we were traveling to, what we did for a living, etc. And at the end of our conversation she inadvertently paid me one of the awesomest compliments I’ve ever gotten from a European. She asked me if I was from the Netherlands.

Why was that so great?

While she obviously picked up from my accent (and

Just trying to fit in to Europe. No white shoes. No floral prints. Toned down smile. I could be European. Till I open my mouth, that is.

most likely horrible grammar) that I wasn’t a native German speaker, she didn’t automatically assume I was American. That meant I had the clothes, shoes and posture right. I wasn’t too loud or smiling really big for no reason, like so many Americans do. I looked like I fit in. Which was totally what I was trying to do.

As an army brat/tck (third culture kid), I spent my youth being highly transitory, moving often. I was always the new kid, having to learn to navigate all the social things that come with being new. And one characteristic of TCK’s is that they, by necessity, early on learn how to fit in, how to blend in, how to adapt to new surroundings.

I read an essay recently about a TCK who designed a flag for the nation of TCK’s. There are hundreds of thousands of us out there, large enough to be our own very distinct sub-culture. And the flag has a chameleon on it, because TCK’s are able to take on the color and flavor of the cultures they are in.

How has this ability translated into how I relate to God? Now that I live in the suburbs, I find it incredibly sad at how easy it is for me to live my life here and never really need Him. In fact, I could probably go weeks without fully engaging Him, and still manage just fine. I hate that. Constantly living my life from a place of need, which moving certainly does, even when it is uncomfortable or painful, drives me to Him. So on a practical note, I try to travel and get out of my comfort zone often.

The ability to read situations, to be a cultural observer, to listen well and ask lots of questions before speaking…well, these are really valuable traits for a missionary (and a writer also, by the way). I love the challenge of taking really big ideas and finding ways to carry them across cultural boundaries so that whoever is listening really gets it. My upbringing has definitely left its imprint on my future.

So, I had a good TCK moment in that Austrian train station. I fit in well enough to be of somewhat ambiguous national origin, making cross-cultural communication not only easier, but rather pleasant. I wasn’t standing out and easily identifiable. I was being true to my roots. A chameleon. And then, as an adult cross-cultural person, who loves to blend across national lines, well, I’m not Dutch, but I was sort of excited to be thought of one for a day.

Did you move a lot growing up or did you live in the same house till you left home? Can you see something of God’s fingerprints on you in that and how it might affect how you relate to Him now?

Jesus pt. 6 – Sometimes Following Him Is A One Way Trip

“Follow me.” Jesus

While living in Germany for several years, I was painfully aware of the fact that I wasn’t German.

Us at the airport in Leipzig in 2008, saying goodbye to more than just our friends.

If the language and culture were not daily reminders for me, then the Germans certainly were. It isn’t that my German friends didn’t genuinely love and value me. I know they did. But one of them let a very revealing Freudian slip pass once that marked me. I forget the context of the conversation, but at some point she said, “Well, you know Deanna, when we (meaning Germans) talk about you…”.

I’m sure the dot dot dots were positive. And I guess I should be flattered that people cared enough to make me a subject of conversation. But all I heard was, “You guys talk about me? When I’m not there?” The meaning was clear. They were German, and when the Germans got together, I wasn’t one of them. I was the American on the outside. I didn’t really belong. Not like the Germans did anyway.

This wasn’t unexpected. Of course in my head I knew I wasn’t German. It’s just that I had made such a tremendous effort and so many sacrifices to try to fit in. It broke my heart to realize the place I’d called home for the last few years wasn’t really home.

Then there was the time we were back in the States over the holidays for the first time in years, sitting in our big-suburban-cookie-cutter church’s Sunday morning extravaganza. And I knew in that moment, in fact, I think my heart even used these words, “This isn’t home anymore”. The styles, the themes, the subjects of conversation. None of it spoke to me. The connecting points were gone and I remember feeling so out-of-place that I wept. My home wasn’t home anymore.

It was quite an “Oh cr@p!” moment for me. Was this what Jesus had asked me to give up as I followed Him overseas? I didn’t belong in Germany – and now I didn’t belong in the states either. Had my following Jesus made me homeless?

I can see now it was one of the unexpected costs of following Jesus. What before had been comfortable, normal and “mine” was no longer so. He had changed me. Changed my heart, the things I like, the things I got emotional about, the things I wanted to talk about, the relationships that anchored me, the very definition of words in my heart like home, success, normal, enough. I wasn’t the same person who had left America with Jesus a few years earlier. I had returned quite different – with more of Jesus and less of me. Not American. Not German. Homeless. And there was no going back.

I am coming to realize that sometimes following Jesus is a “forward-only” proposition. It is a one way trip. I can never again be the person I once was. I can never fully return to the relationships I had.  What used to satisfy or make me happy doesn’t anymore. And it has taken me the last 3 years to figure out something of what this means in my life.

It means that Jesus loves me too much to let me remain unchanged as I followed Him.  He loves me too much to let me return to the “me” I was before He and I started walking together. And we are never going back.

What In The World Is My Problem – pt 7 – I Don’t Belong Anywhere

Ask me where I am from and the sarcastic side of me wants to answer, “How much time do you have?” As an Army brat I moved probably over a dozen times before I graduated from high school. In fact, I went to three different high schools. The longest I lived in any one place till college was Germany. At the very least, I need some qualifying questions to help me figure out what exactly it is you want to know. Are you asking where I was born, or where I live presently? Do you want to know where I lived the longest, where I feel at home or where I call home?  Heck, I might even need you to define for me what you mean by the word “home”.

I am a classic TCK or third culture kid, which means where I am from is very complicated.

The definition of a TCK along with some background information (from Wikipedia) is:

A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of [their] developmental years outside the parents’ culture. The TCK frequently builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture may be assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.

TCKs tend to have more in common with one another, regardless of nationality, than they do with non-TCKs from their passport country. TCKs are often multilingual and highly accepting of other cultures. Although moving between countries may become an easy thing for some TCKs, after a childhood spent in other cultures, adjusting to their passport country often takes years.

Before World War II, 66% of TCKs came from missionary families, and 16% came from business families. After World War II, with the increase of international business and the rise of two international superpowers, the composition of international families changed. Sponsors are generally broken down into five categories: missionary (17%), business (16%), government (23%), military (30%), and “other” (14%).

I’ve got the double whammy too- I am a military dependent who lived significant years overseas. This means that home for me is found with people who have similar backgrounds, regardless of nationality – and not in a place. In essence, my passport country and the city I’m from, the place where I must live, doesn’t feel like home to me. And it will most likely never feel like home. In fact no place feels like home to me – certain people feel like home to me. While I would not trade my TCK status for anything, some days this makes me a little sad.

This also explains why I’ve always had international friends, why I’ve always been very observant and able to “fit in” wherever I’ve traveled, why my best friends now are scattered across the globe, why I love airports and maps, why I so loved my time living in Europe, why I like language and culture study and talk about it often and why some of my best experiences are when I find people who “speak my language”  and belong to “my tribe” of fellow nomads.

And now I live in a city where many of the people do not have anywhere near this sort of background. Well, at least those I’ve met – I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. I’m going all Freudian here and asking myself, how can I learn to belong here if I don’t really belong anywhere? Or maybe because of my background I am actually capable of belonging just about everywhere if I put my TCK flexible adaptability to work.

As you can see, I’m spending a lot of time thinking about some of the shaping forces in my life and what they mean for me in the present. Should make for some interesting and introspective blogs in the future.  

Books Of Impact – Missions

FOREIGN TO FAMILIAR by Sarah Lanier

This book is not particularly long, deep or intellectually dense, but here is the single best, most concise explanation of the general differences between cultures I’ve ever read.

Why are Europeans so ‘rude’, ‘direct’ and ‘unfriendly’? Why are southerners so ‘shallow’, superficial’ and ‘two-faced’? Of course those terms are relative depending on where you are from. What a southerner might term rude a European might call honest. What a European might call shallow a Southerner might call friendly. Jumping cultures is a really challenging and tricky endeavor. This book clearly and concisely explains these and many other cultural land mines that anyone who has traveled often has hit.

This book makes my list because  as a world traveler it helped me put words to things I’ve experienced and as a communicator of the Gospel, barriers that I’m dying to overcome.

If you plan on spending anytime at all in a second culture, you need to read this book. That sort of ringing endorsement springs from a book that has impacted me. That’s why it is on this list.

Things Every American Christian Should Do

(Part 12 of the Culture series)

(Written on a previous blog from July 2007 )

I’ve been thinking about some of the things I’ve gotten to do, see and experience over the past decade of traveling the world. I’ve hit 5 continents, dozens of cultures, been lost, found, hungry, eaten dried octopus in a movie, had kimchi and tentacles for breakfast, heard a few wild stories, thought I was going to die, slept in yak dung, gone weeks without a proper bath, been proposed to several times, laughed with reckless abandon, cried the same way, suffered from altitude sickness and various intestinal ailments, spent days in 110+ degree temperatures with no a/c, gone weeks without seeing the sun shine, seen and smelled material poverty beyond anything most Americans can imagine, been shamed by the spiritual wealth in the poorest of places, danced in the Caribbean, swam in the Pacific, froze my feet in a Himalayan stream, been caught in an Anti-American demonstration, face painted in the Andes mountains, been woken up by an earthquake, taken a photo with a North Korean border guard, met Christians who’ve truly suffered for their faith, been overwhelmed by natural beauty and the capacity of human nature to survive and thrive against all odds, seen God’s hand in the unlikeliest of situations and heard His voice in a language other than English. I’ve been blessed beyond measure with some amazing memories and lessons. As such, I’ve been thinking of some of the things I wish every American Christian could or should do to broaden their horizons, chuckle a little at themselves and to gain an appreciation for the ways we’ve been both blessed and cursed at the same time. So here’s my list of things I wish every American Christian could experience.

1. Visit some place where freedom isn’t free and talk to people who have actually suffered for being a Christian.

2. Listen to someone totally slam on America for over 30 minutes and don’t interrupt or correct them. Sometimes it is maddening, sometimes it’s comical and sometimes you just want to smack someone in the back of the head because of their ignorance. But sometimes you hear a truth that you would never hear by hanging out with people who are just like you and always agree with you. And sometimes you get a glimpse of the fact that Jesus isn’t American and that there are a lot more opinions out there than you ever imagined.

3. Go to a hair cutter, dentist and doctor while communicating in a foreign language. Use sign language and grunting to describe your symptoms or wishes. Oink like a pig at a restaurant to ask for a pork dish.

4. Drive in a country that uses the left side of the road. Or in any country for that matter where lanes, traffic signs, brakes. blinkers and a concern for safety are totally optional.  Driving with various farm and circus animals in the road is fun too. Or in a country where ‘road’ has a totally different definition than back home. Or in a culture with over 600 traffic signs, all of which they expect you to obey.(Germany, I’m talking to you.)

5. Allow yourself to get so hot, thirsty, hungry and tired that you are thankful for any drink (even if it doesn’t have ice and isn’t carbonated), any food (even if it’s goat, invertebrate, raw, possibly dangerous, so spicy it makes you cry, a smaller portion than you’ve ever eaten before, cold or moving), and any place to rest (even if the bed is hard or non-existent, crawling with bugs, no hot or even running water, no tv or internet connection and is unclean). And you enjoy the whole experience while realizing just how little you actually need to be comfortable.

6. Don’t just see poverty while driving by in your car – get out and smell it.

7. Sing worship songs or pray with someone in another language. Go to a very low-tech worship service that has no electric guitars, microphones, padded seats, a/c or heat, no big screens, no video projectors, no stage, no paid professional clergy, no parking lot because everyone walked, doesn’t start or end on time because the folks either have no watches or don’t care how much time it takes, has no childcare and utterly revolves around prayer, worship, fellowship and the celebration of the power of God in normal people’s lives. See what an experience of meeting God in such a context does to your soul.

8. Be in a minority for an extended period of time and see what it feels like to have other people look at you like a foreigner, think you are stupid because you can’t speak their language and be continually misunderstood. It’s quite a frustrating experience to have so much to say and no language skills to do so. Everyone should share in that kind of fun. (It could also show you why God has such a heart for the foreign and alien among us.)

9. Practice your “I’m not shocked” face when you see or hear something that really does shock you. Every Christian needs this face, along with a face that says, “Really, it’s delicious”, “I’m actually quite comfortable” and “Of course I understand everything you are saying to me.”

Cultural Lies – European Version

(Culture Series – pt. 10)
The last entry in this series (here) detailed two common spiritual lies lodged in the hearts of Americans. These are the sort of lies, so ingrained in the very air we breathe that we rarely even see them anymore without concerted effort or extended time away from our home culture, allowing us to see the familiar with new eyes. These are two of the things that make it harder for us to come to God or relate to Him properly. And every culture has them. Living outside of your home environment for long enough to begin to see some of your own cultural lies can be a tremendous blessing, paving the way to freedom from crippling shackles you never realized were there.
I’m taking a blogging risk here with this post, but here is my take on a potential lie lodged in the heart of a European.

For Europeans…I think a lie for them is “There is no hope.” If you aren’t braced for it, spending extended time with a European in conversation can be quite depressing. You can say, “The sun is out!” and they might respond, “Yes, but it’s going to rain in 10 minutes.” They can be pessimistic, bah humbug, glass-half-empty sort of folks. (I say that with love  and affection to all my beloved European friends.) With good reason I might add. Has there been a continent that has been through more upheaval and trauma than Europe in the 20th century? Their grandparents truly suffered. I’m sure the emotional scars of that time have been passed down generationally to the present.

An interesting extension of this idea is that happiness, joy, friendliness or even what a southerner would call normal politeness (See how tough it is to discuss these things neutrally? I can only describe them through my cultural lens.) can be viewed as shallowness and a lack of contact with reality. I think they think, “If you were honest or deep, you wouldn’t be happy or bubbly. Have you seen the world out there? The only genuine response, the only intelligent response is a negative one. You must be either faking it, in which case, I don’t want anything to do with you, or you must be foolish, in which case I don’t want anything to do with you.”

Thus the origin of the stereotype that Americans are shallow, because the typical optimism and energy we carry with us, which to us is a great positive, through the cultural lens of a European, is seen as a negative. The idea is that “Anyone who is too happy must not be in touch with reality, because reality is depressing.” To be spiritually mature is to be sober, serious and probably a little sad.This can certainly create some interesting conversational land mines that are easy to hit. And I’ve hit them. Often. Repeatedly. Sometimes humorously, and sometimes not so much. I’m not particularly over-the-top friendly, only hitting superficial conversational notes, effervescent extrovert. Yet I’ve had Europeans look at me suspiciously because I’ve waved to people I don’t know, smiled profusely for no real reason or initiated small talk with a cashier or someone on the bus that I might never see again.

I think at times this mindset can be a barrier to the Gospel for them. I think this mindset can at times keep Europeans from growing in a fruit of the Spirit – a characteristic that should describe all followers of Christ – joy. (Gal. 5:22)
Wherever He goes, Jesus brings hope. He brings joy. What should the culturally appropriate expression of European Christ-centered joy look like? How to balance the need for authenticity with the blessing of joy? I’d love to hear some Europeans opinions on it.

Cultural Lies – An Awkward Moment

(Part 11 of the Culture series)

I remember sitting in my church with a European friend when my pastor said, “I believe America is the greatest nation on the face of the earth.” Wow. What an awkward moment for me. What to do with that? Not just the cultural insensitivity that was behind such a bold statement, made before an internationally diverse congregation, but that a majority of Americans who heard him say it were nodding their heads in agreement. Granted, there was context to what he was trying to say that doesn’t communicate well in this blog, but it was quite a Freudian slip, revealing a common cultural lie we Americans often fall under. “We are God’s favorites.”

There are a lot of places this lie comes from…the tremendous blessings we’ve been given monetarily, materially, historically, geographically, politically, etc. We were founded by people seeking religious freedoms that couldn’t be found in Europe, so a natural default of the founding fathers was to link our blessings to God’s favor.

Why is this so dangerous?

It’s not Biblical. God doesn’t play favorites. If He did, I guess His favorite would be the nation of Israel. But even a cursory reading of the Bible tells me that God spanks His kids,  (Heb. 12:7) so I’d be really careful about claiming that title.

It hampers us spiritually, like how an injury hampers a runner. How can we grow spiritually when our hearts are broken by a lie that distorts God’s character and our identity in Christ?  A house built on a shaky foundation will soon lean over and eventually crash.

It’s insulting. I don’t even have to elaborate.

It’s not that we shouldn’t be grateful. Oh my goodness, Americans have so much to be grateful for!!! (Just in case you are in doubt, I’m proud to be an American. My father was career military – I know just how blessed we are and just how much our freedom has cost.) But when we move beyond gratitude for His grace to the belief that we’ve somehow earned it, that God loves us and tolerates others until they become more like us, we move into dangerous territory indeed.

Cultural Lies – American Version

(Part 9 of the Culture series)

Colossians 2:8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.

Following up on the National Soul series (here) and (here)- the idea that every culture has particular characteristics that by themselves are neutral – neither good nor bad, just distinguishing – I’m exploring the idea that each culture also operates under certain lies. From a Christian perspective (and that is the context I’m writing from…) these are the things that make it more difficult for insiders in a particular culture to see God, come to know Him or come to know Him better. It is an interesting exercise to look around and figure out what some of these embedded lies are.

 The people who live in a particular culture hardly notice them either. Ask a fish to describe what it’s like to live in water and they’ll say, “How else should a fish live?” But a watery environment would kill a bird. Without intentional effort on our part, it is almost impossible to view our cultural distinctives through someone else’s eyes. The highly social nature of

A humorous glimpse of the British national soul, as seen going through customs. Evidently, there are the British and the rest of the world... By the way, can you find me in this photo?

African culture can be a great strength to a society living in such harsh climates. It is suffocating to a Westerner who values individuality. The directness of the Germans, seen by them as honesty, can be interpreted as rudeness to a southerner. And the over the top politeness of the same southerner, seen by them as having good manners, can be viewed by the German as shallowness. These distinctions can be strengths under the right circumstances and devastating weaknesses under others.

For Americans, I think one of our lies is “It’s all about me!” Because ours is a service related culture, we are used to being catered to and taken care of. Waiters bring us what we want, when we want it. Stores with terrible customer service go out of business. We grumble when we can’t find a good parking place. We look for churches that “meet our needs” and leave those that don’t offer the right kids programming, type of worship music or nice facilities. When we bring this attitude to God, we fit Him into our mold and expect Him to center Himself around us and our needs. We don’t adapt ourselves to Him. We adapt Him to ourselves. This attitude is incredibly inhibiting if one is pursuing true spiritual depth.

Another American lie is that “I can do it myself.” We are not only individualistic, we are ruggedly individualistic. We have an ethic that tells us to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, work harder and accomplish more. We idealize the self-made men and women who work themselves to the top. It is not a far stretch to see how we translate this to our relationship with God. We love to work for Him, think He owes us something because of our efforts and have no real concept of being saved by grace. There’s this lie in the back of our minds that we earned it. And if we earned it, we nullify the cross. No cross, no Christianity. Red flags should be flying up all over the place.

Both of these lies are so inherent in our culture that we can barely see it – till we take a step back and look at ourselves with fresh eyes. For instance, last year I went to the Catalyst Conference here in Atlanta with a group of Norwegian church planters. Their perspective on American Christianity was priceless. One comment? There were so many Mac giveaways to hawk various Christian services and ministries that one said, “It appears to me that ministry here has something to do with Apple.” Not Jesus. Not the Bible. But a commercial product. Hmmmm….

Any thoughts out there on this idea?

The National Soul – European Version

(Part 8 of the Culture series)

If you’ve ever read the Elizabeth Gilbert book Eat Pray Love, she describes an interesting idea in the Eat/Italy section. What if every city has a word? And what if every person also has a word.  It is whatever word that is humming and dancing around in your soul, that summarizes something very deep and true about yourself. If your word matches the word of the city you live in, then you feel at home.

For instance, New York’s word might be “Achievement”. If that is also your word, then you will love living in New York. Washington D.C.? Probably, “Power.” Amsterdam? “Tolerance.” Los Angeles? “Fame.” Hogwarts? “Magic.” What’s your word? Does it match the city where you live?

I think that whatever your word is provides a window to whatever is pressed on your national soul.

It is such an interesting conversation starter to ask people what they think their word is, or what they think the word of their home town is. I have learned so much from people over the years by asking this very question.

In last week’s post I theorized that individual responsibility is one of the things pressed on the American soul.

What is pressed on the European soul? Before wading into these waters, I admit I’m not a European. If I offend or am wrong, it is not intentional. If some of the readers from there want to venture their own opinions, feel free to do so in the comments section below.

I think the European word is something in the family of security, safety and/or tradition. And why not? Europe has an incredibly long tradition of how things have always been done and they have a long and vivid memory of pain when things go wrong. It’s why, when reading the story from last weeks blog of the servant who ended up with no minas, Europeans respond by saying, “No one should be allowed to fall very far. Even if they did it to themselves.” And why Americans are usually ok with someone reaping whatever it is they have sown. It reveals a bit more of a collective mindset than individually-minded Americans have.

You can see a conflict brewing between the American and European soul then, can’t you? One values risk and reward, the other safety and security. One is willing to lose something old in order to gain something new. The other is risk-averse. One sees the world as a place of opportunity, where things can be won, changed or gained, so “full-speed ahead”. The other sees the world as a place of potential danger where things can be lost or destroyed, so “proceed with caution”. One says, “I need to take care of myself.” The other says, “We take care of each other.”

Neither side is right or wrong – just different perspectives based on historical and cultural events.

In this discussion, I am not taking sides and hopefully you can’t discern my personal opinion from this entry. (I suspect it would surprise both sides.) Instead, I am interested in what this subtle cultural divide means for communicating the gospel across this cultural barrier.

I’m not sure what all the implications are, but I do know that awareness is an important thing for anyone who wants to jump cultural barriers. If the gospel penetrates our lives at the heart/soul level, then what is already there is an important component to how we receive it. Our national soul is a part of who we are and can be either a bridge or barrier to the gospel. It is why an American can read the story of the servants (see previous blog) and how they managed what they were given and get one point from it, but a European can read the same story and see something very different.

The message of the gospel never changes between culture, language, time period, etc. But the subtleties of how we communicate it must take on appropriate shades of gray, or the message will get lost in the blunt force trauma of cultural mis-steps.

The National Soul – American version

(Pt 7 in the Culture series)

During my first week of living in Germany, I was in a Bible discussion group, where we opened up the word and kicked around ideas about a particular text.  This week our passage was Luke 19:11-27  which starts this way:

” ‘A man of noble birth went to a distant country to have himself appointed king and then to return. So he called ten of his servants and gave them ten minas. ‘Put this money to work,’ he said, ‘until I come back.’ “

What follows is an account of how the different servants managed differently what God had given them. Some were given more and some were given less. Some did well and some did poorly. One servant came and said that he was afraid, so he hid the money, refusing to invest it. The master was furious and ordered the servants to take away his money and give it to the one who had managed it well.

The master concluded the story by saying, “I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away.”

The discussion among the German students was fascinating and I heard a perspective I’ve NEVER heard from an American. They wanted to know why the man who was given much didn’t share what he had with those who didn’t.

That question had never, ever occurred to me, yet it was the first thought of several Europeans. Why?

Because individual responsibility has been pressed on the American soul. America was founded by people who wanted to get away from “how it has always been done”, and strike out on their own. They were looking for freedom to live and believe how they chose, to create the lives they wanted, not the one they were handed by a government, culture, family, society, church or economics.

But with freedom comes responsibility. If you are going to strike out on your own into the wilderness, you had better understand that while you can reap tremendous blessings, things can also go horribly wrong in a heartbeat. If you are going to play the game, you had better understand that you just might lose. It’s a historically American idea that you should be prepared to lie down in whatever bed you make.

So when Americans read a story like the one found in Luke, we read it through a lens of individual responsibility. From this perspective, it’s easy to see that you reap what you sow. Good choices = reward. Bad choices = punishment. And you don’t punish the successful person by making them carry the bad choices of the unsuccessful one.

And apparently when a European reads this story, they see it through different lenses.

What is it that’s pressed on the soul of a European? Stay tuned for an American’s opinion on it in the next blog.

The National Soul – What is it?

(Part 6 of the Culture Series)

(Just an idea I’m kicking around.)

It is impossible to generalize and stereotype when describing Americans. Not that people haven’t tried (Europeans, I’m good-naturedly talking to you.) But how can you? There are 300 million of us from all corners of the globe, with countless people groups, languages and subcultures spread across a geographic region of 8 time zones and over 3000 miles, not including Hawaii? “It’s impossible to say “All Americans are… anything.” We are a people known for our individuality, non-conformity and diversity. And there are just so dang many of us.

BUT…each nationality has some things imprinted on their souls. These are the characteristics that make each culture unique, that are a default position we slide to. They are one of the things that unite a culture and separate it from others. You see it when someone is confronted with something different, a value judgement, a political conversation, etc. You feel it when traveling overseas and meet another person from the same area as you and you can say, “You know what I mean?”. And you know they actually do.  Or when you meet someone from another culture and just cannot understand how they can be that way. Most things pressed on the national soul involve something that ultimately is a matter of preference, but is often confused with an absolute right and wrong. Until you travel that is, and realize that millions of people live everyday with a different opinion and somehow manage to make their society work just fine.

Examples to flesh this idea out:

Some people, when confronted with pineapple on their pizza say, “That’s just wrong on so many levels.” Some people can’t conceive of soft drinks with no ice, eating with no utensils or in the car while driving. Some people think no coffee in the morning or afternoon is wrong, wrong, wrong. (Again, Europeans, I’m good-naturedly talking to you:) Some people think big government is wrong, or that small government is wrong. Some people think too much wealth is wrong, while others reject being forced to share what they’ve earned. Some react with heartfelt emotion to different music styles in worship or on the radio, different food or traffic rules because they are just so sure it is wrong. What is it that makes you say, “That’s just wrong.”? (Das geht gar nicht.) That question can give you an idea of what is pressed on your national soul.

It’s an idea I’d like to explore in a blog or two.

“It Is Enough.”

(Part 5 of the Culture series)

Phil. 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

In the last few years in conversation with Europeans, I repeatedly heard an interesting phrase. They usually used it when we were either eating or shopping. When different people from another heart language use the same words in English exactly, it usually means they are translating verbatim a turn of phrase or an idea they use in their own language. It always catches my attention.  At some point, they stopped, looked at me and said very clearly, “It is enough.” They were telling me that they were satisfied and it was time to move on. Evidently, Europeans say that. And evidently, they feel that too.

And it dawned on me, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard that from an American.” It’s not that we don’t get full, but reaching a place of satisfaction, where we really want no more, or where we tell ourselves “I’m done” – that doesn’t seem to be a core American heart cry. We are an achievement oriented people. It’s why we are builders, innovators, businessmen and influential in the world. We are always looking for the next mountain to climb, the next experience to have, the next challenge to overcome. There is always something more to be acquired, owned, eaten or achieved. For us, it’s never enough.

It’s not that it is always wrong either. God wires cultures differently that they might bring glory to Him from all along the spectrum; from deep-seated discontent to deep-seated contentment. All have their place and both produce great things in people’s lives. But sometimes those things that are strengths can, unchecked and for believers, not under the control of the Holy Spirit, become dangerous weaknesses.

For Americans, the emptiness in our hearts could drive us towards God. It could speak to us of the inability of things of the world to satisfy in our deepest places. It could awaken a spiritual hunger inside of us and lead us to channel our great energy towards eternal things. Instead it often drives us to consumption. Black Friday? Free refills? Sam’s Club? All-U-Can-Eat buffets?

Jesus is enough. And when my heart is full of Him, it shouldn’t be quite as hungry for all this other stuff.

I must confess, as an American, parts of this truth hurt my heart. Maybe that’s why 2 Cor. 7:10 says, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret…

Beyond The Water’s Edge

(Part 4 of the Culture series)

(I wrote this for my previous blog in July of 2006. Seemed like it fit within this series of posts, so I thought I would include it here.)

I’m an American. What does that mean? Well… I basically think the world is a good place and that it is full of opportunity. If one works hard enough, anything is possible. I think the things I want to buy should be inexpensive and of good quality. It think the stores I buy from should prioritize my business, staying open late with convenient parking and offering good customer service. I think patriotism is healthy and governments should exist to serve the people who elect them. I’ve cried during the playing of my national anthem. I expect the government to stay out of my business if I keep my head down and contribute to society. I think neighbors should help each other but not get too involved in each others affairs. I teach my kids that if they need help they should look for someone in a uniform. I don’t doubt that they will have more and better opportunities in life than I do. I think all people should have the freedom to speak, think and choose whatever kind of life they want. I also think they should accept responsibility for their choices. I have a great deal of respect for those who voluntarily choose to serve their country through military service because I know their sacrifice makes the life I live possible. I expect to see churches playing a vibrant role in their communities, with their voices being respected by most. I value innovation and creativity. I’m usually looking not to the past but to the future. I don’t understand all the rules to soccer and in all honesty, I prefer sports with more scoring. I think diversity is a good thing. I think people of different ethnic, religious and national heritage should be able to live side by side in peace and prosperity. I have a short memory and don’t hold a grudge for too long (i.e. I’ve forgiven the British for burning Washington D.C in 1814). I like small talk and think it’s ok to have a conversation with someone on the street that I don’t know and will probably never see again. I realize that it’s money, not love that makes the world go round. When watching a scary movie I’m usually sure that, no matter how bad the situation, small children and dogs will be safe. I sing showtunes. I’ve given to charity and I think generosity and compassion are high values, not weaknesses. I think I’m entitled to my opinion and expressing it when and where I want.

Now, what if everything in the previous paragraph is wrong? Or at least not true everywhere in the world? What if my experience, my expectations and my opinions are just that: mine, and not universally true? After living for a year outside of my home country I’m realizing that a lot of what I’ve grown up believing is true is actually preference. Not everyone agrees with me and I’m not always right. While I still stand by what I’ve written above, my eyes have been opened to the fact that the American point of view is not the only point of view. And to be the best Christian I can be I may have to be a little less American. Cross-cultural experiences, especially prolonged ones, have a way of shining light to the underbellies of our worldviews, exposing misunderstanding, error and arrogance.

So I understand that for many, the world is a scary place with much to fear. Customer service is optional, especially if I have few options. Historically, excessive patriotism has sometimes led to war. In many places, people exist to serve their governments they had no opportunity to choose. The sun doesn’t always come out tomorrow and many children in the world face a painful future. In most places, the military is a tool of oppression, not liberation. In Europe, most churches have lost their moral authority and are languishing in irrelevant silence. Sometimes tradition trumps innovation. I actually enjoyed the World Cup this last month, even though the championship was technically a tie. Other cultures, especially those that have suffered greatly, tend to focus on the past and have a justified deep distrust of their historical enemies. Small talk can be misconstrued as shallowness. Some people live in an idealistic rather than realistic world. This may come as a shock to most Americans, but, (with India being the major exception), most people think musicals are silly. And not everyone, in fact, most people, couldn’t care less what I think.

Reality is much harsher beyond the waters’ edge.

A Great Weekend In America

With the new blog series on cultures and how our nationality can be a spiritual trigger, I wanted to let y’all in on a great weekend me and the family had this recently. Just a little glimpse into why living in America can be a uniquely great experience.

Jeffrey at his piano recital at his Korean music academy.

Things started off with Jeffrey at his piano recital. He takes his lessons at a local Korean music academy. He’s in the back row, right in the middle. As you can see, he’s the only caucasian kid in the group. This recital was so Korean in fact, that they didn’t even speak English.

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Me and hubby at a Gladiators game. Good times.

 

 

 

 

 

Then Jeff and I splurged on some front row tickets to the Gladiators hockey game. It was another cross-cultural experience as the room was filled with rowdy Canadians. We ate a good meal, banged on the glass, held hands and generally had a great time.

Worship at the Village church - the South Asian congregation we are members of.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then, we went to worship at The Village – our South Asian congregation. I can’t tell you how much we’ve enjoyed unplugging a bit from our big box suburban church and engaging with a smaller, more intimate community of believers.

 

 

 

 

 

For some reason, Jeff and I thrive in cross-cultural contexts. It’s one reason that our area is so great. We get to rub shoulders with all sorts of people just as we go about our everyday activities.

Here’s the full video of Jeffrey doing his thing for those who are interested.

What I Love About Being American

(Part 3 of the Culture series)

(This is a two-part blog entry with its partner below. Please read them in context and hear the message behind the words. This isn’t about patriotism or politics. It is about a spiritual issue: that our nationality can be a spiritual trigger. )

I was asked a good question by a European recently: What do you love about being American? I really appreciated this question because no European had ever asked me that before, not in my 6 years of living overseas, not even when I had asked them what they loved about being German/European, etc.

The American culture is a patriotic one. We do love our country! There are many reasons why, but it could be because we are one of the few nations in the world that was founded almost completely by choice. People want to come here. In the past they took great risks, left all that was familiar, all for a new start in the new world. This wasn’t just where they were born and stuck. They were leaving something else that wasn’t working for them and beginning from scratch. America gave them that chance.

We don’t have a long legacy of the “That’s how it’s always been done,” mentality, so we tend to be inventors, entrepreneurs and innovators.

We don’t see barriers, we see opportunities.

We are a uniquely optimistic people who think any problem can be solved. We live pluralism, tolerance and freedom, where many regions of the world only talk and dream about it. Many Americans recognize the uniqueness of being American and rather than talk down about our nation, we love who we are.

I love that my daughter’s best friend is half-Venezuelan, half Persian and speaks 3 languages. I love that my son’s best school buddy is an African-American boy who was adopted by white parents. I love that my niece was born China and in my neighborhood there are Koreans, Russians, Hispanics, Egyptians, South Asians, Taiwanese, African-Americans and Caucasians. And all our kids play together really, really well. America is a place where all cultures come into contact and manage to live peaceably together.

I love that for the most part the only limits on achievement and accomplishment are how hard you want to work and the choices that you make for yourself.

I love that my people are among the most generous and friendly in the world. One of the recurring stories I have heard from Europeans is that they were taking a road trip in America and when their car broke down on the highway, someone stopped and helped them out. (They told me that would never happen in Europe.) I’ve heard that story a lot! This is so common here I don’t even think of it as being special or unusual.

For the Gospel, this means that Americans have a unique role in the world. We can be a haven for the oppressed and broken. We can be effective missionaries because we know how to jump cultural barriers, make friends easily and believe anything is possible, even when reality should tell us otherwise. We can see the future and innovate different church forms, worship music, business models to fund ministry, etc. We speak the English, the language of the world.

As an American, there is much to leverage for the advancement of the kingdom.