He Uses People – (Jesus pt. 26 )

When we ask God to use us, most of the time I don’t think we don’t really mean it. Or at least, we have preconceived and pretty narrow ideas of how we want Him to use us.

We want to be used like a paintbrush by a master artist.  Or a violin used by a musician. We want Him to use us in prominent ways, positively in front of other people, in ways that make us jump for joy and celebrate at how successful or respected or accomplished He has made us appear. And even if our wishes aren’t that elaborate, we mostly want Him to use us within the parameters of what we are willing to give. “God, I’ve got an hour on Sunday, so I’ll help out with the kids at church.” “Ok Jesus, I’ll give some money to the missionary/ministry over there…(just don’t ask me to go myself…)”

But you know, there are lots of ways to be used.  We use asphalt to pave our roads – so people can drive on them. We use deodorant on our arm pits to keep from smelling bad. We use toilet paper to wipe our bottoms. If you’ve ever been used by another, I suspect it didn’t feel very good.

God uses people – sometimes like Abraham, to found a nation. Or Moses, to deliver His people. Or David, as a king and poet. Or Paul, as an apostle and messenger. We like the sound of this really well.

Then there is Job, used by God to settle a heavenly dispute with Satan. (Job 1) Or Isaac, bound and placed on an altar to prove Abraham’s devotion to God. (Gen. 22:12) Or Lazarus, who died so that Jesus would have the opportunity to raise him from the dead for God’s glory. (Jn. 11:4) Or Lazarus’ sisters, who had to grieve their brother’s death, waiting for Jesus to show up. Or John the Baptist who got his head cut off for doing exactly what God asked him to do. (Matt. 14)

I find it hard to believe, if we are honest, that any of those people were saying in the middle of their trial, “Yay! Look how God is using me!”

And yet…

When God uses us, even when it doesn’t end good for us, it is in the service of that which is always good for us. It is to bring about His plans, His will, His kingdom on this earth. It is to speed his return, when He will right all wrongs, heal all wounds, dry all tears and end all suffering.

I don’t claim to know how all this works itself out in the details. I don’t know why some people are used by God on stages, to write books, in big houses and with full bank accounts while others get used in their suffering and grief and poverty and sadness.

Somehow in it all, Jesus is good. As I am walking with Him and towards Him, on the discipleship road that leads to sanctification, as He uses me, whether it feels good or not,  I begin to resemble something of His character here on earth. I begin to see something of who He is and why I love Him so much, even when on the surface it appears He is messing up my life. He allows me to be a part of what He is doing in the lives of others, sometimes on a micro scale and sometimes globally.

Jesus uses people. It isn’t always a comfortable truth, but somehow it is always good.

Jesus – He Is Killing Me (Jesus pt. 21)

Matt. 16:25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.

Is. 44:20 He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself, or say, “Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?”

Heb. 12:4  In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.

Rom. 6:11 Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Luke 9:23 And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.

I think Jesus is out to kill me. Or at least do some serious damage. No, now that I think about it, He wants to kill me. Really.

I mean this in the best sense possible that is. I’ve seen Him orchestrate events in my life that have squeezed me till I couldn’t breathe. He’s taken things away from me that I’ve loved so dearly, I couldn’t imagine life with out them. He’s initiated seasons of suffering and sadness that made me question whether I really wanted to finish out this life – or just zone out zombie style and go through the motions till my heart stopped beating, because it already felt dead. I’ve endured Him prying my fingers off things I had a death grip on, ripping the lie out of my right hand; the idol I couldn’t acknowledge with my conscious thoughts, but which I worshipped functionally with my life. And it all hurt so much I thought I would die. Some days I wished I would die.

But in those moments of clarity, when He gives me a window into His purposes in my life, He shows me that all the killing is actually a great act of His love towards me. He is killing that within me that would destroy me. He is killing the sin, the falsely placed affections, the idolatry that leads my heart astray and leaves damage within and around me, the lazy habits that grease the sin-wheels in my life, the ruts I fall into that turn out to be graves with the ends kicked out.

He is like the paramedic who recognizes that someone’s heart is so wounded or has stopped altogether and death is imminent. So he takes powerful, painful electric shocks to that sick and dying heart in order to reset it. To save it from itself. I’m sure someone in the middle of heart failure, who has endured a defibrillator’s shock, would say, “Ow!” But then I think they would say, “Oh my God, thank you for saving my life!”

Sometimes the sanctification process in my life feels like that. Pain. And then gratitude when I realize just what that pain accomplished in my life. Healing from the irregular heartbeat. Freedom from the parasite of sin that was sucking the life out of me – and I never even knew it.

Death leads to life. The great paradox of following Jesus. This Easter season I am learning to embrace my own death. And I am so grateful for it.

Being Human and Meeting God There ( pt. 1)

These days I’m thinking about identity. Mine. And how to walk skillfully with others into fully discovering theirs. This is very important stuff  as God speaks quite a bit about who He is and who we are in relation to Him. In fact, if we could learn to nail down those two things, I suspect most of our issues would work themselves out with a lot less drama. As a result, I am diving into powerful truth here, one that seems obvious in theory, but can be much more complicated as it works its way out in reality.

God speaks to me in my humanity. I know this because He not only made humans, He made me human. Which is a little different from being a human. One is an adjective, the other a noun. “That human over there has a heart.”(noun) “To be human is to have a heart.” (adjective) I’m talking about the adjective. God made us human. That means pain. Poop. Family joy and drama. Complicated emotions and desires. Limitations. Sin and its devastating consequences. Bodies and wonderful physical sensations. Food. Memories. Heartbreak. Not being able to stop smiling when you see something smile-worthy.

And when Jesus wanted to communicate His identity to us most clearly, He became not just a human, but human. Sharing all our human-ness. So we would understand and know Him, who isn’t. (Col. 1:15)

The longer I walk with Jesus, the more I find that the most vibrant, most life-giving, most satisfying and honestly, most supernatural interactions I have with Him flow from my humanity: when His divinity slams right into the middle of my humanity. My flesh. My heart. My reality. My mess and general messiness. My sin and all the damage it has wreaked in my life and others. And when I bring my human-ness to Him, with gut-wrenching honesty, with genuine humility, the craziest things happen: sanctification, spiritual fruit in my life, ministry to others.

While there is great power in a heart that longs for eternity, there is also great power in a life that is firmly and rightly anchored here and now on earth. This is where we live and this is where He meets with us. Who I am, who God has made me to be, what shaping events and forces Jesus has allowed and used in my life to lead me to where I am today…they are an intricate part of how I relate to Him.  And my relationship with Him is everything.

I’ve often said, especially to the young university girls who some how keep ending up on my couch, talking about God’s will for their lives, “If you want to know where a road is going, look at where its been.” It is generally true of roads, it is generally true of people’s lives. Looking back can often provide powerful clues to where we are going. I-75 runs north-south. I-20 runs east-west. They may take a sudden dramatic turn due to a hill, body of water or another road converging, but they inexorably return to their original heading. Sometimes, with there always being exceptions, I think this is something of how our lives work as well. Who I have been and who I am provide a lot of clues to who I can become.

Of course, following Jesus leads us in a 180 degree turn from where our sin was leading us. But our sin isn’t the only thing leading us. God’s providence moves us all – in our families, significant relationships, nationality, place in history, personalities, giftings, dreams, education, experiences. (Acts 17:26-27) While Jesus leads us out of our sin, He also leads us into more of who He made us to be, in all its beautiful, multi-layered complexities. That is the journey of sanctification, maturity, discipleship, restoration, healing.

So I’m working through a series of thoughts I want to explore for a bit on the blog. They are some of the shaping forces that have made me who I am today: because out of that is where I meet with Him. Out of my humanity, my human-ness, that is where I meet Him. And while the truth I’ll be writing about is framed in my story, my hope is that you will find something of yours in it as well. Maybe you’ll recognize something God has placed in your human-ness, to point you to Him.

I’m going to start with my experiences of being an adult third culture kid and army brat. How I grew up has had some tremendous implications for what my present looks like. And, in true Deanna-fashion, I plan on doing it in a bit of a non-linear, hopefully creative and rather unexpected way. Hope you’ll come along for the ride.

Dangerous Times

Proverbs 15:22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.

Proverbs 27:12 The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.

My dad, who was both a fixed wing and helicopter pilot in the army, once told me something very interesting about pilots. He told me that the most dangerous time for a pilot, that season of their professional lives when they are most likely to have a flight accident is not during the first few years out of flight school, when they are young and inexperienced. And it isn’t during the last few years of their careers, when they are old and perhaps tired or overconfident. The most dangerous time for a pilot is the years in between those two extremes.

My father explained that new pilots are hyper-vigilant, constantly aware of the weight of the responsibility they bear. Younger pilots tend to go to extremes of caution to make up for their lack of experience. They checklist everything, ask for help and keep their eyes wide open for potential mistakes. On the other hand, older pilots have years of flying under their belt. They know the dangers of their field and have probably known pilots who have had accidents. They know how to solve most problems they will face, know when to ask for help and aren’t too proud to do so. They, like their young counterparts, are also statistically safe.

New pilots are cautious. Old pilots are experienced.

The most dangerous pilots are those in between new and old, who are neither cautious nor experienced. These are the pilots who have been flying long enough for the initial fear to wear off, but not long enough to realize they don’t know everything. Lack of caution plus arrogance equals mistakes. And in an airplane, that can be disastrous.

Married people follow the same pattern. Couples are never more aware of the health of their marriage and willing to learn and change than during that first year. And couples who have survived and thrived after decades of marriage obviously understand what it takes to successfully live with and love another person.

It’s those couples in the in-between years who are most often in danger. They have been together long enough to become  comfortable. Over the years, blind spots and tolerance for unhealthy habits form. The edge of fear and newness wears off. At the same time, they’ve been married long enough to feel like they know more about marriage than they actually do. They might even be afraid to ask for help as it would be a sign of weakness.

It appears to me that the same is true of those in the Christian faith. New believers are so passionate, so teachable and so energetic, dying to make their faith work. They ask questions and listen to counsel. And older believers have collected wisdom and experience that both protects and yields fruit in their lives. The ones most in danger are those who have walked with God long enough to think they know something about walking with God, but not long enough to realize that they don’t know much at all. When crises come, they leave too soon, choose poorly and don’t ask for help until it is too late.

The application? Humility and help! Awareness of the reality of my situation and internal condition. Asking people to look at areas of my life, where they might have clearer vision and offer constructive comments. And endurance. Keeping on, doing wise things and being open to learning more, in both my marriage and my faith. I want to make it to those years where I might actually know something about what I’m doing.

Reflections On Truths Learned This Past Year

The year 2011 broke my life in two, with a distinct before and after. Frankly, I’m just glad to still be here, standing and breathing. There have been days I wasn’t so sure that would happen. And some days the haze of uncertainty and fear lingers. So I wanted to take a moment and reflect, to summarize something of what I’ve learned through it all.

What's that? God calling? I'll take it in here...and I'll probably be a while...

Jesus has been incredibly faithful to lead me to all sorts of places with Him I never would have chosen to go on my own. And ‘grateful’ isn’t even the right word to use to describe how I feel about it. But since it is all I have at this point, it is what I’ll use.

So, in an effort to capture something of my gratitude, here are some of the realizations and truths that have become a part of my soul in this last year:

1. My heart is a bigger mess than I ever thought. As Jesus and I have been walking around its corridors and exploring its depths, what I am finding has been both horrifying and a relief. The depth of my messiness, of my sin and its consequences has been overwhelming at times. But as the chips have fallen, I realize I really do love Him. There have been days when I’ve completely lost my balance, yet I’ve consistently fallen in His direction – and the ground where He stands is solid. So I am a mess. But at least I know now I am more fully His mess. And another thing I’m learning first hand is that redeeming messes is one of His specialties.

2. As big a mess as my heart is, that is what He really wants. That I’ve known this truth, even taught it over the years and still missed it in my own life…I am ashamed. Jesus doesn’t want my works. He doesn’t want my words. (Although of course, at some point and level He expects my works and words.) He first and foremost wants my heart. He wants my love and affection. He wants my life pointed in His direction because that is the direction I want to go, not because I’m afraid of going in the other direction. He wants to renew, restore and rebuild me from the inside out, not teach me to conform to a cultural standard that looks pretty on the outside but is rotten on the inside. Learning to move my spirituality more fully to the realm of the heart has been a huge shift for me this year. A frustrating one because no one sees it but Him and me…and a painful one because it is so much work…but a rewarding one because of how it makes the ground beneath my feet more solid.

3. If all I ever am is His, it is enough. Without realizing it and while simultaneously knowing in my head the opposite is true, I’ve established a pattern of relating to Him through what I do. As innocently as it started and as good as my motives have been at times, I’ve been trying to prove myself to Him, to earn His favor and to subtly keep Him distant by setting up our relationship within a business context. I do this, therefore He does that.  It is taking a season of not working for Him to re-set this truth deep in my heart – that He loves me just for me. Not for what I do or accomplish. My greatest goal and deepest desire is to be His – more fully, more intimately, more deeply. And if that is all I ever accomplish in my life, it is not only ok, it is wonderful.

4. He sets the agenda, I don’t. Yes, I knew this before this year, but I think I can look back and see that functionally, I came to Him wanting to pick and choose how I serve and relate to Him. And He has absolutely refused to play along. He has reasserted His authority in my life to set the agenda of what we talk about, how we relate, the speed with which we move and everything else about my relationship with Him. He has called me to repentance and to a season of learning just to walk alongside Him wherever He goes. To listen. To ask questions. To follow. It has been so refreshing in its restfulness. I make a terrible god. Yet He does it so effortlessly.

Funny how, at one of the high points of my year, a trip to Europe to teach, minister, network and even hike for an afternoon in the Alps, there was a storm brewing in the background.

5. For someone whose life’s work revolves around people, I have terrible people skills. In fact, recently I floated the idea in my heart that I am done with friendship. (Material for a later post) I know that really isn’t an option…and I’m sure I don’t really mean it…and I know how I feel in a few months will be different from how I feel about it now…and I really do have the friends I’ll have for the rest of my life and they are wonderful…and  I know part of what this season is about is me learning to truly make Jesus my best friend (and not the cheesy Sunday School version of this)…but that I’ve so struggled over the years with what should be the most basic of human functions has worried me a bit. And I find it pathetic that I’m as old as I am and still trying to figure how to relate to others well.

6. My internal monologue needs a lot of work. On the positive side, I am learning to embrace my honest, brutally honest, excruciatingly honest internal monologue – and out of it two great things are emerging. First, I am learning quite a bit about myself; where I am wounded, where I am gifted and something of where I will go in the future. And second Jesus and I have had so many amazing faith-confirming and encouraging conversations; where He has actually spoken into my greatest doubts, struggles and pain, where I’ve gotten satisfying answers to those things that have kept me from truly engaging Him with depth. I guess you could say my internal monologue, unhealthy as it is, has actually been a very healthy thing for my spirit this year. It has driven and led me to more of Jesus and greater intimacy with Him. But the thoughts that still just randomly pop into my head…lets just say some days I am concerned about where this stuff comes from. And I hate that so often it is the soundtrack that plays behind much of my life.

7. Jesus is…well, He is more than I ever thought. I thought quite a bit of Him before this year began and He and I certainly weren’t strangers then. Yet…I am continually surprised at the paths He chooses to lead me down. Not linear. Not expected. Glacial and circuitous. Jesus has caused me greater pain than I thought I could endure, yet brought healing I never knew I needed. He has forced me to learn to engage Him on His terms, to repent of deeply ingrained things, to redefine so much of my life…and still…it has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. And I hope and pray I never get over this…this year that almost killed me. Jesus still has me moving in His direction…and that means there just might be hope for me in 2012 yet.

Jesus pt. 6 – Sometimes Following Him Is A One Way Trip

“Follow me.” Jesus

While living in Germany for several years, I was painfully aware of the fact that I wasn’t German.

Us at the airport in Leipzig in 2008, saying goodbye to more than just our friends.

If the language and culture were not daily reminders for me, then the Germans certainly were. It isn’t that my German friends didn’t genuinely love and value me. I know they did. But one of them let a very revealing Freudian slip pass once that marked me. I forget the context of the conversation, but at some point she said, “Well, you know Deanna, when we (meaning Germans) talk about you…”.

I’m sure the dot dot dots were positive. And I guess I should be flattered that people cared enough to make me a subject of conversation. But all I heard was, “You guys talk about me? When I’m not there?” The meaning was clear. They were German, and when the Germans got together, I wasn’t one of them. I was the American on the outside. I didn’t really belong. Not like the Germans did anyway.

This wasn’t unexpected. Of course in my head I knew I wasn’t German. It’s just that I had made such a tremendous effort and so many sacrifices to try to fit in. It broke my heart to realize the place I’d called home for the last few years wasn’t really home.

Then there was the time we were back in the States over the holidays for the first time in years, sitting in our big-suburban-cookie-cutter church’s Sunday morning extravaganza. And I knew in that moment, in fact, I think my heart even used these words, “This isn’t home anymore”. The styles, the themes, the subjects of conversation. None of it spoke to me. The connecting points were gone and I remember feeling so out-of-place that I wept. My home wasn’t home anymore.

It was quite an “Oh cr@p!” moment for me. Was this what Jesus had asked me to give up as I followed Him overseas? I didn’t belong in Germany – and now I didn’t belong in the states either. Had my following Jesus made me homeless?

I can see now it was one of the unexpected costs of following Jesus. What before had been comfortable, normal and “mine” was no longer so. He had changed me. Changed my heart, the things I like, the things I got emotional about, the things I wanted to talk about, the relationships that anchored me, the very definition of words in my heart like home, success, normal, enough. I wasn’t the same person who had left America with Jesus a few years earlier. I had returned quite different – with more of Jesus and less of me. Not American. Not German. Homeless. And there was no going back.

I am coming to realize that sometimes following Jesus is a “forward-only” proposition. It is a one way trip. I can never again be the person I once was. I can never fully return to the relationships I had.  What used to satisfy or make me happy doesn’t anymore. And it has taken me the last 3 years to figure out something of what this means in my life.

It means that Jesus loves me too much to let me remain unchanged as I followed Him.  He loves me too much to let me return to the “me” I was before He and I started walking together. And we are never going back.

When Your Trajectory Changes

20 years later and still a profound influence in my life.

(Today, in honor of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the ways God has directed my paths.)

Pr. 13:14 The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death.

Pr. 13:20 He who walks with the wise grows wise…

Sometimes there are events and the trajectory of your life changes profoundly as a result. Sometimes those events are negative. A trauma. A crisis.  The phone call. The really bad choice. Someone else’s really bad choice. A painful event that if you were to think about, still makes you wince today – even though it may have happened years ago. I’ve had several of those in my life. Forks in the road where my path was chosen for me. And I wanted to take the other path. Sigh. 

Sometimes however there are positive things that alter our trajectories and push us towards happier endings. Beth is one of those women who altered my life’s trajectory at a really critical time in a really positive way.

We were students together at North Georgia College forever ago, she just a bit ahead of me academically and light years ahead of me maturity-wise. (As is still the case, by the way.) Both of us were active in the Baptist Student Union, both lived on the same hall in the dorm and had many mutual friends.

One day Beth came to me and while I forget the exact words, said something like this, “Deanna, what would you think if we spent some time together. Intentional time. Where we talked about the Bible, prayed…that kind of thing.”

We met together regularly for the rest of the year. We talked. We prayed. We studied. We watched movies. Ate meals. She found conferences she thought I’d be interested in and took me. I even got to go to her wedding. And while I know she taught me many things through her words, wisdom and example, what I really heard that day and through our subsequent time together was, “Deanna, I see potential in you. And I’d like to come alongside you for a bit and help us see who God might be calling you to be. Would you let me be a part of building the future-you, ’cause I think it just might be good.”

Let me be honest here, I was a mess at 19 years old. (Regular readers of this blog and friends of mine might say, “Um, was…?”) Talk about looking back and wincing. Ouch. When I look back at my life at that time, it could have gone in any number of ways. Most of them bad. For Beth to see any potential in me at all, she must have been looking very, very hard. With extra special lenses. Maybe even with professional help. Or maybe some of the older girls in our circle of friends got together and made a bet – who could find the most clueless girl, the hardest case, the most unlikely to succeed…and she drew me. I don’t know how it played out on her end (I should ask her sometime…) but I do know how it played out on mine.

Our relationship changed the trajectory of my life. She believed in me. Invested in me. Spent time with me. Watched me make bad choices. Patiently helped me learn to make better ones. Taught me that I should go forward and do the same in the lives of the younger women I would meet in the future. I can look back now at that brief conversation and see that it was a pivotal moment for me, for my development, for my walk with Jesus, for my ministry and for who I am today.

Someone believed in me. Wanted to be with me. Saw who I could be, not just who I was.

Beth has been in campus ministry for years, and now works near a large university where she is replaying this scenario out in the lives of the many young women who are blessed to be in her sphere of influence.

Has someone ever done this for you? Have you ever done this for someone else? Today I am thankful someone did this for me.

Thoughts On Contentment

While I was at the women’s retreat in Berlin this summer (click here for the story), we spent Saturday afternoon enjoying a picnic and the best weather a German summer day has to offer. It was really great. Great food, great conversation, great sunshine – you name it, it was great. But it was sort of humorous to me when

Picnic with the ladies where really good questions came up.

several of the girls wanted to ask me questions about…well, stuff. Random stuff. Spiritual stuff. Wife and mom stuff. The questions weren’t so humorous but that honestly, anyone else would really care about my opinion. But ask they did, so I did my best to answer.

One question in particular haunted me – in a good way. Someone asked me, “How do you experience contentment in any and every situation, regardless of what is going on in your life?” Now I ask you, how would you like to be asked that question? Those who know the answer have probably published best selling books…aaaaaaannnnnnddddddd….that’s so not me.  I remember my stomach dropping as I thought about it and realized, I didn’t have a very good answer.

So I did what teachers often do when they don’t know what to say. I started talking anyway. Actually, I thought about Paul since he said, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…” Phil 4:12 First of all, can you imagine being able to actually say such a thing with a straight face? Second, FYI – if you don’t know the answer to a question, starting with the Bible and godly examples are good places to begin.

Then as I talked a bit, I remembered that in 2 Cor. 11 Paul lists all he’s been through in his life as a follower of Christ. If you haven’t read this, you really should. Shipwrecked. Three times. Beaten with rods and with the lash. Multiple times. Stoned. Prison. Hunger. Thirst. Nakedness. Betrayal from all corners. Exhaustion. Can we just go back to that shipwrecked three times thing again? Really?

And it occurred to me that Paul learned the secret of being content by walking through long and difficult seasons of discontent. In other words, the secret of contentment is intricately intertwined with discontentment. He confirms what we all already know – that contentment is for those who have fought for it. For those who have let the pressure of their external circumstances produce spiritual fruit in their internal condition.

Because we all also already know that contentment isn’t really about external circumstances. How else do you explain unhappiness among the wealthy, sadness in suburbia, self-esteem issues among beautiful people, etc. Those who seemingly have all the world has to offer still know deep in their souls that what is on the outside is just that. Outside. It is the inside and in our hearts where our lives are changed.

Contentment is a heart issue. Therefore the secret to learning contentment lies in letting God change our hearts. Sometimes the pain of discontent is the only tool that will do the job.

Books Of Impact – Disciplines

Hunger for God by John Piper

Phil. 3:19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.

While in college I did an in-depth verse by verse Bible study of the book Philippians. (Shout out to Jeff and Beth F. and Rendy N. if you are reading:). It was life-changing for me in learning how to think critically about and interact with the scriptures. One of the verses that slammed in to my heart during that time was Phil. 3:19 which is written above. The phrase, “…their god is their stomach…” speaks to how one’s appetites and their satisfaction can become ultimate. Ever known someone whose god was something besides God? Since then, I’ve periodically referred back to this concept and the challenge of not being ruled by my stomach or my temper or my past or my emotions.

I’m just coming into (ahem) middle age and am taking stock of many things in my life. I am at the age where I’m seeing my friends reaping the consequences of 10-15 years of making poor decisions and worshipping their stomachs. I admit, it is terrifying. So I’m thinking about how to stir my affections for Jesus, to make Him more fully my God.

I recognize that an area of my life that needs strengthening and focus is how I battle my appetites. I’m coming to learn that self-control is a foundational trait for followers of God, and in our culture of indulgence, it is falling by the wayside. That is why I choose to read Hunger for God by John Piper.

This is a book about fasting that doesn’t teach you how to fast. No where does it discuss the practical how’s of fasting. Instead it is a Biblically based discussion on why we should fast (and not just from food) and how it changes us. It is not a book about our stomachs, but our hearts. It is about the importance of intentional self-denial and mastery over those things that would master us. It covers how fasting is more than just not eating, but conquering anything that we might be tempted to love more than Him. Discipline in our physical lives is a key to freedom in our spirits.

Even if you don’t read the whole book, the first chapter is one of the most profound, most paradigm shifting I’ve read in a long time. In it, Piper lays out why we need to conquer our flesh. His tone is tender and even affectionate for the reader. He writes not as a theologian but as a pastor. I’ve read more than my share of John Piper books over the years and I’ll be the first to admit, they aren’t always easy. Sometimes they are incredibly long, dry and overkill on minute points, often reading like text books. Sometimes they are so intent on being theologically correct that they neglect any practical applications.

This book is Piper at his best: first-rate scholarship tempered by a compassionate shepherd’s heart. It hit me at a time in my life when I needed not just a challenging read, but a challenge to love God with my body as well as my mind. It provided the theological grounding and the motivation to shift some practices in my life. It has brought about much fruit in my life that I can see is very important for my second half.  By combining the perfect topic with the right time in my life, this book has deeply impacted me.

My Kids Like Ramen Noodles

Boil these babies up for an unhealthy but joy-inducing experience.

My kids like ramen noodles. Hey, given a stressful day when I’m looking for gobs of salty, starchy, flavorful comfort, I do too. But my kids really like them. In fact, given a choice between a good home cooked meal and ramen, I’m afraid at least some of the time they might choose the noodles. Ok, actually I’m afraid they think ramen noodles are a home cooked meal. Obviously us Davises are not the most cultured bunch out there.

Is there any more unhealthy thing out there for them? I can’t think of any nutritional value except for their weekly/monthly salt intake. Yet, they love them.

Hmmm…. applications…

We do love those things that are bad for us. And not because they are bad for us. No one says, “Hey, I’d love to take such horrible care of my body and soul that I’m severely limited later in life.” No, we like things that are bad for us because they taste good. Because they make us feel good. Because they make us feel good NOW.

And therein lies the danger.

We are pulled and drawn to what gives us pleasure. Not that pleasure or good taste is always bad for us, but it does hold the potential to mask the consequences. Or to make us momentarily ignore them in pursuit of the comfort buzz in the back of my head. It takes discipline to logically think through a decision and weigh the good vs. the bad. It takes planning to avoid situations where my appetites have the opportunity to rule over me. And neither discipline nor planning come naturally when I’m hungry.

As my kids’ mother, I have to balance their wants versus their needs. I have to sometimes say no even when they are very persuasively trying to convince me to say yes. How many times do God and I interact just like this?

“They Won’t Want To Copy You”

I Cor. 11:1 Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.

I was having a conversation recently with a good friend of mine who is a superstar in ministry: high-capacity, high energy, influential, effective and well-respected. She everything a dynamic leader should be and has accomplished much in her life. She told me about a conversation she had years ago with a colleague who was making an observation on her life from the outside. He told her, “People will admire you. They will respect you. But they won’t want to copy you.” She said it was something that had haunted her since.

Is is really possible to follow God passionately, to exhibit holiness and effectiveness and that the people you are leading look at your life and say, “No thanks”?  Even if your life is spent in ministry and service to God. Even if your life exhibits all the characteristics to which most people would say they aspire to. Paul teaches in the verse above from First Corinthians that our lives should be repeatable in someone else’s life. I think it is implied that the lives of believers should look attractive enough to others that they would want to follow our example. Of course different people have different callings on their lives and to whom God has entrusted much, much will be demanded. (Luke 12:48) Some people are called to be pacesetters and live lives on the upper edge of busyness. That is fine. But still, I don’t think God intended for their to be two classes of believers – those working themselves to death and spectators watching from the sidelines, cheering them on. I think His intent is probably somewhere in the middle, that everyone find their place of service and contribution. Perhaps the tightly wound type A’s need to ease off the gas a bit, if for no other reason, to model healthy behavior for others or even, to create opportunities for others to get in the game. Perhaps the laid back type B’s need to step up to the plate and get in the game so the type A’s don’t have to kill themselves to get the work done.

Busyness isn’t always effectiveness. Sometimes people who live lives of great intensity are doing so, not because God has asked them to, but because it feeds an insecurity of their own: they define themselves not by whose they are but by what they do. It might be an attempt to earn their salvation, pump their ego or bully others to do what they want. It might just be that it is the only way they know to do things. My industrial engineer husband always says, “Work smarter, not harder.” The principle is to constantly evaluate the best use of time and resources to get a job done, while not killing the worker.

I think balance in the life of a believer is crucial. In between the necessary times of hard work and nose to the grindstone, (Time before an exam, a project is due, an event takes place) are there seasons of rest, joy and pleasure? (Time to read, spend with friends, eat good meals and recharge your batteries?) Is there a balance between output and input? Between giving and receiving? Would people look at your life and want to copy it? If not, perhaps a time of introspection would be helpful.

Baking With My Young Padawan

My oldest daughter, becoming a baker.

Motherhood is many things – but at its heart, it is about nurturing young lives. It is about getting my children ready for the world that they will one day live in without me. With that melodramatic intro, I’m writing about teaching Georgia to bake Lemon Poppy Seed Bread.

Georgia’s Girl Scout troop was having a bake-0ff and assigned certain recipes for the girls to make. One of the specific instructions was that mom not do it for her. So I helped her prepare the ingredients, get the tools she would need and then stood back, able to offer counsel but not much else.

I must admit, it was a bit hard to watch her tentativeness with something I can do while hardly thinking. It was a struggle sometimes to not step in and just do it for her. But today was about more than just the quality of the finished product. It was about investing in my daughter’s abilities, self-confidence and the two of us creating a positive memory we will be able to share together forever.

So I dialed back on my control freakishness, chilled out on the kitchen stool with a cup of tea, and proceeded to watch her bake her first cake. It came out so good that Jeffrey even asked her to make another one.

Applications? Teaching is about love and relationship, not just a lesson. It’s about words, action and sometimes inaction. It’s about process as well as result. Sometimes it is a bit messy and requires quite a clean up. But if both parties do their part – teaching and learning – what comes out in the end can be quite tasty.