The Old Married Couple Living Inside Of Me (Heart Stuff pt. 5)

I wrote this for my previous blog in May of 2008. Since I’m writing a series on “heart stuff” I thought I’d repost it. It made me smile when I wrote it a few years ago and it makes me smile now. One, cause it is sort of humorous. And two, cause some things just don’t change.

THE OLD MARRIED COUPLE LIVING INSIDE OF ME

While my head and my heart occupy the same body they are often miles apart. In fact, they often talk to each other like an old married couple, fussing and fighting until they are ready to reach an agreement and make up. My head, of course, is the insensitive logical old man while my heart is the overly sensitive emotional old woman. Recently I got to overhear this conversation between the two – and it would have been almost funny if it weren’t my life they were discussing.

Heart - You should be afraid. You should be very afraid. Have you seen this crisis over here? Pain is on the way my friend.

Head - What are you, crazy? Logically speaking, it’s not that big of a situation. It happens to people all the time, all over the world.

Heart - There you go with that logic thing again. I’m not talking logic – I’m talking emotion! Can’t you hear what I’m saying?

Head - If you’d just stop crying for a minute, maybe I could. Why do you have to cry so much?

Heart - Why do you have to be so insensitive? Logic has it’s place, but don’t you ever just FEEEEEEEEEEEEEL something?

Head - Don’t you ever just ANALYYYYYYYYYYSE something? You should try it sometime. If you could stop crying for a moment, that is.

Deanna - Hey you two, could you take this fight outside? I’m trying to get a little work done here.

Both – Sorry. We’ll try to hold it down.

Heart - Ok, Head, can’t we just focus on the problem here?

Head - Wait, shouldn’t I be saying that? It almost sounded logical and that’s not like you. OK, let’s focus on the problem here.

Heart - I’m afraid of the future. Of the unknown. Of this thing I think lies just around the corner that I can’t see but is waiting for us. I know what God’s word says. We keep it in my room, remember? But something here doesn’t feel very good.

Head - Well, honestly, I think I see what you see too and I’m also a little worried. (Shhhhhh…don’t tell the other guys I said that. They’ll tell me I’ve gone soft.) But the Bible says that worrying can’t add a single hour to our life. So what do we do?

Heart - We could cry a little.

Head - But only if we could also analyze the situation a little too and try to figure out what God wants us to do. Sound OK?

Heart - OK. I love you.

Head - I love you too. (I could’ve sworn I heard kissing noises as they made up.)

Deanna - Hey you two, get a room, why don’t you? Really, I’m trying to get a little work done here.

I heard someone recently say that you can gauge spiritual maturity by how fast your head and heart make up after a disagreement like this. Mine are in the process of making up, but I can feel another discussion coming on too. I hope they take it outside…I’ve got some work I’ve gotta get done.

Coming Up On The Blog

Today, Friday 11/11/11,  I am guest posting at Alise…Write! – the site of a fellow blogger and professional writer. She really knows what she is doing in the blogosphere and I am honored by the opportunity to join her there. Click here to read it and see what she is up to. My topic is “40 Is The New 20″ and while it is in a bit of a different style than my typical Intersections post, you’ll still recognize the introspective, over-analytical style that (hopefully) works for me right here at home.

Today is also my 16th wedding anniversary to my best friend, comedic life partner, hero, lover and most favorite engineer. No one makes me smile like he does.  Like most things in my life,

Me and hubby, hanging out in Berlin, one of our most favorite cities!

I’ll probably blog about it before too long.

Also, I will be starting a few new blog series in the upcoming days – and I think it is some of the most important things I have ever written. Well, important to me anyway. I hope you will tune in, subscribe even and let me know what you think.

And just in case I don’t communicate it clearly enough – to those who faithfully stop by my little blog here, I am so grateful! I write because I must, because I have to communicate something of what God is stirring in me, because writing it out helps me make sense of it all. But it sure is nice when friends, who don’t have to, come along for the ride just because they want to. So, in some of the languages of my honored visitors and friends – Thank you! Danke! Tusen Takk!  Merci! Bedankt! धन्यवाद ! 感谢 ! Gracias! Grazie! Terima kasih! təşəkkür edirəm! Hvala Vam! Asante!

Random Life Lessons With Deanna pt. 4 – Pain Is Never Convenient

I think I broke my pinky toe the other day. I slammed it into a suitcase that I had left in a walk way. Totally my fault. And totally inconvenient.

My broken toe. Amazing how something so small makes such a big impact. The photo doesn't do the bruising justice, by the way.

It has swelled up and parts of it are turning lovely shades of purple and pink and grey. Nice.

If you keep up with this blog, you just read that I am in the middle of training (trying to train anyway) for a longer race in the next few months. This injury means more pain for me. And it comes at a very inconvenient time. But really, when is pain convenient? When do we ever have the emotional margin, extra time and energy to say, “Hey, now would be a great time for a crisis?”

I am learning that pain management and healing takes place in the spaces of my present life. Sometimes whatever my issue is demands a bit more than I was prepared to give it.  While I didn’t see a jammed toe coming, I am learning to intentionally create margins so that I have room to handle the unexpected. This means that now I need a bit more rest than I had planned. I’ll be experiencing a bit more pain than I would like. I’m finding that this whole thing really isn’t very convenient.

What a metaphor for what life throws at us.

So, how do I deal with injuries while the rest of my complicated life doesn’t stop? A broken toe is an interesting thing. Small as it is, it will not be denied. How I walk has been affected. It doesn’t really matter that now is not a good time, now is when I have to take care of it.  I must give it attention.

What is it in your life that isn’t convenient, but won’t be denied? How will you calendar the emotional and relational time to take care of it?

Random Life Lessons With Deanna pt. 3 – Rest Is Good

While it may surprise some of my readers to know this, I am a runner. Not fast mind you, but steady. My goals as a runner have always been to run a set amount of time and to not stop. Never stop.

Yeah, um...so that IS a lot of sweat and I don't have pink shoes like the gal behind me... but I did finish!!!

Because weak people need a break. (Sarcasm alert)

Yeah, I can hear you asking me if I’ve spoken to a therapist about this Freudian slip… If you’ve read this blog at all, you know that I’ve got issues and that is one of mine… It is funny isn’t it, how God has a way of addressing our deepest needs through the most random of life circumstances and lessons. If we are looking for it that is.

So, right now I am training for a race. I’m a little hesitant to say just how long this race is and where it is for fear that something will happen during my training process and I won’t make my goal. More Freudian-ish undertones here…I don’t want to be embarrassed if I don’t make it, so I’ll just tell y’all about it afterwards. Hang with me here as I do actually have a point…

This race is a longer one. Longer than I’ve ever run before, so I’m having to train with longer run times and distances. Now, remember, one of my goals has always been to not stop. And I’ve been asking myself why that is. Where does the drive to push myself unnecessarily come from? I mean, there is no one forcing me to do this. This is a choice I am making, for my physical health, for my emotional well-being (the discipline of setting and finishing a goal) and because I just feel like it is something I want to accomplish.

But in thinking about how I will progress, maybe a better goal is to finish. And maybe I should start making decisions about how to run in light of the end, not just the means. How I run isn’t nearly as important as where I am running to.  I just want to get to the end successfully.

Through a series of training incidents, I’ve had to loosen up on my “no stopping” policy. I’ve had to stop for a breather during some of my longer runs – to let a car pass by, to tie my shoe, to cue up the next podcast, etc. Not long breaks, in fact I prefer to keep them to less than 30 seconds so I don’t lose momentum or drive to finish. But darned if those rest periods haven’t led to a break through in running longer distances. Just the fact that I’m stopping for a bit, to recover and restart…it seems to be a key for me to finishing the race I’ve set out for myself.

And there is no shame in resting along the way. The shame would be in not finishing because I didn’t run a smart race.

The random life lesson I’m learning through this isn’t limited to running of course. Some seasons of life are about taking a breather. About giving the muscles that have been doing all the heavy lifting for years a chance to recover. About looking forward to the rest of the race and making sure I’ve got the endurance to get to the finish line.

So I’m thinking about pacing and resting and finishing – and how to incorporate practices into my life to make sure I go the distance. Rest is good.

Random Life Lessons With Deanna pt. 2 – Occasional Embarrassment Is Good

I’ve been distinctly and significantly embarrassed recently. And in true blogger fashion, I feel compelled to spill it here. Fortunately, both times became learning experiences for me, which led to the title of this blog post and its content.

When I was in Berlin this summer, I was walking through the city with my friend when I stepped in a hole. I proceeded to sprain my ankle and then, a few moments later, passed out. Yeah, not my greatest moment. I can now look back and laugh and have even blogged about the experience, but that day – I remember feeling very embarrassed. Embarrassed that I wasn’t watching where I was going. Embarrassed that I got hurt so badly through my own negligence. Embarrassed that it happened in front of a friend who saw it all. Embarrassed that I felt so weak, couldn’t control my body, put myself in a position of such neediness. I remember thinking, “I don’t think I’ll be able to share this story with anyone else for a long time.”

But I did end up sharing this story with the women at the retreat I was leading that weekend and learned a great lesson. When I bring stories like this into the light, they lose their power. The shame lightens. I was able to laugh about it just a few hours later and even used it as a great introduction for the weekend.

On that same trip, I was with another friend, shopping in Oslo. Those who know me know how I love to ask people, sometimes random people, a good question. The practice often gains me useful knowledge and a good story. This time around however, I got neither. I was at some store where the clerk was a young Norwegian girl. I thought to myself, I’ll ask some sort of question about youth culture in Norway. Brief caveat: don’t ask a question you haven’t formulated in your mind very well as if it is misty in your mind, it will be a complete fog to someone else. The bottom line was that I wasn’t sure what I wanted to ask, I wasn’t sure how to ask it and the girl had no idea how to answer. I looked like an idiot – which wouldn’t have been a problem if my friend wasn’t right there listening to me. I guess part of the lesson here is that embarrassment is magnified by how well you know those you are embarrassed in front of. I could have swept this story under the rug had there not been a witness.

She and I actually had a good conversation later about why I chose that particular moment to ask something, what my thought process was and why it didn’t work, so I did come away with some valuable knowledge. I’m sure my question asking was greatly improved that day. The priceless nugget however was, previously that weekend, she had asked me, “Deanna, how do ask such good questions?” (ha) And I was able to answer, “I ask good questions only because I also ask so many stinkers. I learn what works by painfully working through what doesn’t.” That is quite a bit of truth right there. Trial and error, and not being afraid of the error, is one of life’s greatest teachers. 

Both experiences made me look foolish. Both experiences were a bit painful, one physically, both emotionally. Yet both experiences were valuable. My conclusion? Occasional embarrassment, channeled properly, can be a very good experience.

Beyond The Water’s Edge

(Part 4 of the Culture series)

(I wrote this for my previous blog in July of 2006. Seemed like it fit within this series of posts, so I thought I would include it here.)

I’m an American. What does that mean? Well… I basically think the world is a good place and that it is full of opportunity. If one works hard enough, anything is possible. I think the things I want to buy should be inexpensive and of good quality. It think the stores I buy from should prioritize my business, staying open late with convenient parking and offering good customer service. I think patriotism is healthy and governments should exist to serve the people who elect them. I’ve cried during the playing of my national anthem. I expect the government to stay out of my business if I keep my head down and contribute to society. I think neighbors should help each other but not get too involved in each others affairs. I teach my kids that if they need help they should look for someone in a uniform. I don’t doubt that they will have more and better opportunities in life than I do. I think all people should have the freedom to speak, think and choose whatever kind of life they want. I also think they should accept responsibility for their choices. I have a great deal of respect for those who voluntarily choose to serve their country through military service because I know their sacrifice makes the life I live possible. I expect to see churches playing a vibrant role in their communities, with their voices being respected by most. I value innovation and creativity. I’m usually looking not to the past but to the future. I don’t understand all the rules to soccer and in all honesty, I prefer sports with more scoring. I think diversity is a good thing. I think people of different ethnic, religious and national heritage should be able to live side by side in peace and prosperity. I have a short memory and don’t hold a grudge for too long (i.e. I’ve forgiven the British for burning Washington D.C in 1814). I like small talk and think it’s ok to have a conversation with someone on the street that I don’t know and will probably never see again. I realize that it’s money, not love that makes the world go round. When watching a scary movie I’m usually sure that, no matter how bad the situation, small children and dogs will be safe. I sing showtunes. I’ve given to charity and I think generosity and compassion are high values, not weaknesses. I think I’m entitled to my opinion and expressing it when and where I want.

Now, what if everything in the previous paragraph is wrong? Or at least not true everywhere in the world? What if my experience, my expectations and my opinions are just that: mine, and not universally true? After living for a year outside of my home country I’m realizing that a lot of what I’ve grown up believing is true is actually preference. Not everyone agrees with me and I’m not always right. While I still stand by what I’ve written above, my eyes have been opened to the fact that the American point of view is not the only point of view. And to be the best Christian I can be I may have to be a little less American. Cross-cultural experiences, especially prolonged ones, have a way of shining light to the underbellies of our worldviews, exposing misunderstanding, error and arrogance.

So I understand that for many, the world is a scary place with much to fear. Customer service is optional, especially if I have few options. Historically, excessive patriotism has sometimes led to war. In many places, people exist to serve their governments they had no opportunity to choose. The sun doesn’t always come out tomorrow and many children in the world face a painful future. In most places, the military is a tool of oppression, not liberation. In Europe, most churches have lost their moral authority and are languishing in irrelevant silence. Sometimes tradition trumps innovation. I actually enjoyed the World Cup this last month, even though the championship was technically a tie. Other cultures, especially those that have suffered greatly, tend to focus on the past and have a justified deep distrust of their historical enemies. Small talk can be misconstrued as shallowness. Some people live in an idealistic rather than realistic world. This may come as a shock to most Americans, but, (with India being the major exception), most people think musicals are silly. And not everyone, in fact, most people, couldn’t care less what I think.

Reality is much harsher beyond the waters’ edge.

Cheering Me Up

There are days when I get discouraged about my blog. I’m not sure if the effort I put into it is worth it, if anyone is actually reading it…etc. Then there are the fun days when Feedjit  makes me smile.

I’m A Warm Weather Girl

My foot, not in its natural habitat.

(Part 4 in the Seasons series)

I am ready to admit it. I am a weather wuss.

I know, I’ve lived in cold climates before and appreciated the actual change of seasons. I really do want to live in Northern Europe again. I agree that cold Christmases are better than warm ones. I think snowfall can be magical. I love the way winter sunlight twinkles at mid-day, struggling so hard against the inevitable darkness. One of my life goals is to learn to cross-country ski. I like my winter clothes more than my summer clothes. But still…

When the temperature dips below 45/7 degrees, my body registers it as cold, unnatural and something to run from. I can’t help it. And I’ve tried. I was born in Georgia and have lived most of my life in warmer climates. This is my default position and my body has spoken.

Part of my problem is that I’m more afraid of getting too hot instead of being too cold. (I think Europeans believe the opposite.) That means, like many Americans, I underdress for the weather, which means I get cold faster. It’s my fault, I know, but still…

I can’t tell you how many times I saw my fellow countrymen in Europe wearing shorts in the snow. Or flip-flops whenever. Leaving their coats open instead of zipped up. No hats or scarves, no matter how they add style to an outfit and warmth to the wearer. I guess the thinking is, “Why wear so many layers when I’ll just get hot once I’m indoors?”  I can see that part of this is of my own making.  And I’m willing to work with it, to buy better, warmer clothing and to actually wear them. But still…

I’ve heard Germans say, “No bad weather, just bad clothing.” I can’t help it. I disagree. My heart tells me that sometimes the weather is just bad.

The weak, hypnotic sunlight of Oslo in late autumn.

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Martha Comes To Visit

Proverbs 25:25 Like cold water to a weary soul is good news from a distant land.

Many of my readers will recognize this woman – Martha! And it feels appropriate to write her name with an exclamation point! When Jeff and I were recently celebrating our 15 year anniversary, we asked each other who was the most influential person we had met during our time  together. Martha topped both of our lists. We worked with her and Connexxion Student Ministry during our time as university ministers in Germany, and what a three years it was! She is pioneering new ground in her work with university students in Germany and Spain and  to spend time with her is to see some pretty amazing things happen. (You can catch a previous blog of mine for details.) Sometimes she is hard to catch up with because she is always on the go – except for this night when her flight got delayed at Hartsfield. (Atlanta may have the world’s busiest airport, but it most certainly is not the most efficient.)

So we are getting to spend time with an amazing woman and friend for a few hours. Just a reminder that God always has wonderful unexpected surprises right around the corner.

postaweek2011

I’m trying an experiment with WordPress – posting every week. I hope you will follow along and encourage me by visiting regularly and commenting often.

Welcome To The Blog!

Hello and welcome, both to longtime readers and newcomers!!! I’m kicking off a new blog with a new focus. It is a long story of how I got here, but recently there has just been a lot of stuff stirring in my heart. Deep thoughts. Rich, vibrant themes that are bigger than just personal updates. Things that if I don’t get off my chest, I feel like I’ll explode. Or at least I’ll be disobedient to the One who put them in there. I’d love to share them with you, so here we are.

This blog will look a little different from the previous ones I’ve authored. I plan to write in series of thoughts that may arc for several weeks at a time, exploring different facets of a particular question or topic. I also plan to write somewhere between once a week and every other week, with the entries hopefully being well worth the time you give me by stopping by.

My title is Intersections – and you can see from the bar on top that intersections are places where roads meet, choices are made, collisions happen and directions change. I want to write about where spiritual things meet up with the everyday. Pain, nature, ideas, culture, choices, emotions, creativity, relationships, the scriptures, significant conversations. These are the things on my heart and mind right now. And these are the places where we meet up with God, aren’t they?

So, Welcome, Willkommen and Velkommen. Hope to see you around here in the coming days, weeks, months and hopefully years.

Master’s Degrees I Wish I Had Time For

I love education! I would gladly spend the rest of my life in school if I could find someone to pay for it. In fact, I have at 3 different times begun a master’s degree. Each time I was redirected by 1)a distinct call from God to delay, switch topics and get married) 2) a job in my career field and 3) a distinct call from God to leave for the mission field. So I think often about what I would study if I were to go back to school again. Some in my field assume it would involve theology, which wouldn’t be a bad guess.

But sometimes I dream…If I had endless time and endless resources, what would I study?

Polar lichens – Yes, I said that right.

Lichen in Sweden

My original degree was in biology, a field that I worked in for several years and still love. In fact, had I pursued research, which would have been very cool,  I would have loved to have focused on polar climates. I totally have a thing for ice, glaciers, cold water animals and cold climate plants. And I find lichens amazing!  They are a symbiotic organism composed of a fungus and either an algae or a cyanobacteria. Let me stop now before you put me completely in the nerd category.

 

The Reformation and Martin Luther - This topic has fascinated me for
the last year and a half and I’ve read extensively on it. I’d love an extended chance to reflect on how one man stood up to the powers and institutions of his time, who loved and taught the scriptures and changed almost everything about western culture.

Human sexuality and cultural differences in how young people go about pairing up – I couldn’t come up with a better way to word that, so I’m clearly not ready to write a dissertation yet. But in my line of work, I often deal with the fallout of how young people manage their sexuality. And I seem to often do it cross-culturally. There is so much I don’t understand about how relationship things work in Europe that I think it would be worth my time to do some official research on how young people in Western Europe view sex, monogamy, marriage and the social implications therein.

Master of Divinity or MA in Biblical Studies - Of course, people in ministry typically have these types of degrees and I have pursued both at different times. While I would love a chance to study  this again, I actively read on and personally study in this field all the time. I often engage in intentional conversations around this theme, so studying it right now feels a bit like building a house I’m already living in.

The bottom line is that I love seeing God’s fingerprints on His creation. I think God’s people should be characterized by curiosity, hard work and sharp minds. I hope those traits would describe my intellectual pursuits in the coming years, no matter what the subject matter God lays before me.

COMING SOON!!!

Thanks for stopping by! I’m getting ready to launch this blog officially sometime around the holidays 2010 so please check back in! In the meantime, I’m blogging at What Box? if you want to see what’s going on with me.