Ask me where I am from and the sarcastic side of me wants to answer, “How much time do you have?” As an Army brat I moved probably over a dozen times before I graduated from high school. In fact, I went to three different high schools. The longest I lived in any one place till college was Germany. At the very least, I need some qualifying questions to help me figure out what exactly it is you want to know. Are you asking where I was born, or where I live presently? Do you want to know where I lived the longest, where I feel at home or where I call home? Heck, I might even need you to define for me what you mean by the word “home”.
I am a classic TCK or third culture kid, which means where I am from is very complicated.
The definition of a TCK along with some background information (from Wikipedia) is:
A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of [their] developmental years outside the parents’ culture. The TCK frequently builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture may be assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.
TCKs tend to have more in common with one another, regardless of nationality, than they do with non-TCKs from their passport country. TCKs are often multilingual and highly accepting of other cultures. Although moving between countries may become an easy thing for some TCKs, after a childhood spent in other cultures, adjusting to their passport country often takes years.
Before World War II, 66% of TCKs came from missionary families, and 16% came from business families. After World War II, with the increase of international business and the rise of two international superpowers, the composition of international families changed. Sponsors are generally broken down into five categories: missionary (17%), business (16%), government (23%), military (30%), and “other” (14%).
I’ve got the double whammy too- I am a military dependent who lived significant years overseas. This means that home for me is found with people who have similar backgrounds, regardless of nationality – and not in a place. In essence, my passport country and the city I’m from, the place where I must live, doesn’t feel like home to me. And it will most likely never feel like home. In fact no place feels like home to me – certain people feel like home to me. While I would not trade my TCK status for anything, some days this makes me a little sad.
This also explains why I’ve always had international friends, why I’ve always been very observant and able to “fit in” wherever I’ve traveled, why my best friends now are scattered across the globe, why I love airports and maps, why I so loved my time living in Europe, why I like language and culture study and talk about it often and why some of my best experiences are when I find people who “speak my language” and belong to “my tribe” of fellow nomads.
And now I live in a city where many of the people do not have anywhere near this sort of background. Well, at least those I’ve met – I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. I’m going all Freudian here and asking myself, how can I learn to belong here if I don’t really belong anywhere? Or maybe because of my background I am actually capable of belonging just about everywhere if I put my TCK flexible adaptability to work.
As you can see, I’m spending a lot of time thinking about some of the shaping forces in my life and what they mean for me in the present. Should make for some interesting and introspective blogs in the future.
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