Top Posts of The First Part Of 2012

I can be a bit of a high volume blogger. Don’t worry, I don’t really expect any of you to read everything I write. My purposes for this blog are a bit more personal and complex than just seeking an audience. That being said however, there isn’t writer out there who doesn’t want others to read (and appreciate) their words and the heart that gives birth to them. With that in mind, I thought I’d review the past 4 months and pull out what I have judged to be my top posts for the first quarter of 2012.

How did I determine what made the list? A combination of factors: number of views, number of comments, quality of comments – both on and off blog – and personal preference. I’ve numbered them but they are not really in a particular order.

1. He’s Sneaky – Jesus pt. 18 - I write about Jesus every Saturday. It is my joy to think and write about Him in a very honest, non-Sunday School way. This entry sort of typifies that. I love Him. He drives me crazy. He’s saved my life. He’s ruined it. I’m pretty sure that folks who say they understand Him don’t really know Him very well at all.

2. Marriage Predictors pt. 7 – Surviving The “Who Are You And What Did You Do With My Spouse” Moment? - I wrote a series at the start of the year about Marriage Predictors: those character qualities, behavior patterns and practices of young couples that, like road signs, tell us all where the relationship is going.  This post didn’t get as many hits in the Marriage Predictors series as others in its first publishing, but wow! It has had quite a second life in the past few months, with many visits centered in the south Asia region. Not sure why, but it has been fun trying to guess.

3. Conversation With A Car Full Of Counselors - I remember trying to find words to describe this particular day to myself. I said things like “I felt invited to the grown-ups table” and “For the first time, I found people who speak my ‘ministry language’. Turns out more than a few counselors actually read the blog too. I hope I don’t have to be concerned…

4. My Fearful Prayers – (The Heart pt. 14) – A brutally honest post – and one of those I somehow find myself writing – where I manage to put words to something evidently many are thinking, but not ready to say out loud just yet.

5. Learning To Say New Things To Him (Jesus pt. 16) - This post is so obviously from my heart and such a clear representation of just how far Jesus and I have come. If no one else had read this or found it beneficial, it would still rank up there on a list of my personal favorites.

6. Sometimes He Wants Me To Be Passive (Jesus pt. 14) - Sometimes I get a lot of comments off-blog, via Facebook and email. This is one of those posts. It obviously registered with readers in a very personal way. Me too.

7. Do You Run To Or Away From Burning Buildings? (The Heart pt. 15) - This one was the last in a very long series I wrote about the heart. I’ll probably take up themes like this again in the coming months because I find it so central to what an authentic expression of the Christian faith should look like.

8. Grieving The Me I Could Have Been (Being Human pt. 5) - I wanted to include a very recent post on this list and this one… classic me. Introspective. Honest. A little out in left field. But grounded in a reality those with eyes to see live in. I have also personally been enjoying the Being Human series. God has done a great work in me to enable me to write it at all.

9. The Obligatory Sentimental, Quasi-Thought Provoking Valentine’s Day Post - A great love story – of how Jesus used my husband to save my heart and life.

10. Marriage Predictors Pt. 4 – Tour de Marriage - The most hit and referred post I’ve EVER done.

11. Learning To Sit In It (The Heart pt. 11) - The lessons I had to learn in order to write this were some of the most painful and deep in my entire walk with Jesus.

12. Dangerous Times - Every once in a while, I write a post and think it is stinky. So I’ll sit on it for a long time and then sort of dump it on the blog months later in an effort to clear out my drafts folder. This was one of those posts. Imagine my surprise when it became the second highest read and widely referred post I did this year.

13. Not Tying It Up With A Bow (The Heart pt. 12) -  I’m a communicator. I love managing to find ways to connect big truths from heart to heart. This was a post about how messy the process can be sometimes.

14. I Bet He Likes Tinker Toys (Jesus pt. 9) - The word picture here…it spoke to me powerfully and is becoming something of a life metaphor for me.

When Heart Stuff Gets To Stay Personal (Heart Stuff pt. 4)

I had a friend tell me recently that she admired how bloggers, and I quote, “Live out loud.”  Yeah, we are a yappy bunch aren’t we? Always pouring out our hearts, giving way too much information and basically showing that we draw our personal boundaries in much wider places than most. 

This isn’t always a negative. First, it makes for much more colorful writing. If truth is stranger than fiction, nowhere is this more evident than in people’s personal stories of their ‘stuff’. Second, I’m pretty sure God programs some people to be ‘out-loud processors’. (Me, me, me!) These are the people who, for better or worse, think while they are communicating. While it can sometimes degenerate to a ‘I didn’t really mean to say that’ train wreck, these folks are always entertaining to listen to as they figure out what it is they are trying to say and do. And third, bloggers, writers, artists, actors and creatives as a whole have an undeniable compulsion to connect and communicate with others. We have to know we aren’t alone in our life experience. There is perhaps no greater compliment that arrives in the comments section than when someone writes, “You put words to what was going on in my heart!” or “I am so glad to read that someone else feels the same way,” or, “Thanks for being brave enough to say what we were all thinking.”

That being said, however, there are limits. And there should be limits. As much fun as the blogosphere is, it isn’t safe out there. Who knows who is reading. Who knows what they will do with the information we put out there. The opportunity for misunderstanding is huge! And honestly, some things in our hearts are just too valuable, to personal, to private to give away to strangers.

I wear a wedding ring. Love it! It is one of the greatest gifts my man has ever given me. And I rarely take it off. No one else gets to wear this ring. Almost no one else gets to even hold this ring. They would never value it enough – appreciate all it means, all it cost us, not just to buy it, but to keep it on my finger all these years. My closest friends get to hear the story behind it and they see it every time they see me. But I would show disrespect for how valuable it is by handing it out to just any one.

I think some heart stuff falls in the same category.

It is not that there is never an appropriate place to share it or that some things should just stay hidden forever. If you’ve read this blog at all, you know I believe that bringing dark things into the light robs them of their power. Hopefully I’ve modeled this somewhat with my writing and life. I think that something powerful shifts in the spiritual realm when we speak our pain and our ‘stuff’ out loud. I love creating safe places where it is ok not to be ok. And I love how those places help us to move out of the”not ok” condition.

What I’m trying to say is that it is fine for some things to stay private. Our hearts belong to us and Jesus, not the masses. Our ‘stuff’ belongs to us and Jesus, not the masses. And sometimes Jesus gives us something – an experience, a word, a memory, a blessing, a challenge – and it is just for us. Not for anyone else. So, if you want to keep it private, which is different from hiding it, go right ahead. Not everyone should have access to the deepest, most private parts of your heart. Those are reserved for those you know, love and trust. Sometimes just between you and Jesus.

Highlighting The Links To The Right pt. 1

If you frequent many blogs, then you’ve seen the blog roll thingy to the side. This is where the author might be doing one of several things 1) Linking to the blogs they read so that their blog serves as a home page where they can connect to them easily. 2) They are acting as a connecting point between other like-minded folk and friends.  3) They  want to say something to their readers about which tribes they belong in and something of their beliefs

With my links, I’ve wanted do some of that but, in true Deanna-fashion, I also wanted to tweak some of those reasons. For sure, I read these blogs and it is helpful to me to have them put in one place. I wouldn’t put them on my blog if I didn’t want my readers to connect with them. And I suspect you could figure out something of who I am based on what I read, although probably not in the traditional sense.

Along with blogs that I love, I have also intentionally chosen to include a few blogs that are distinctly out of my comfort zone. I don’t agree with everything they say and I’m not even sure I’d be buddies with some of the writers (although I most certainly am with some of them:). But I find their content challenging, stimulating, sometimes heartbreaking and almost always beneficial. I’m not one of those people who think you should only read those you agree with. I think the world of academia is broader than just my little slice of it and when I expose myself to thoughts, rants, ministries and fields outside of my normal world, I find my world gets bigger. Sometimes someone might change my mind on something, and sometimes they totally strengthen my original conviction. But what I’ve found is that active idea-engagement sharpens me.

So I wanted to spend just a few posts and highlight a few of my links and tell you why I read them. I’ll start with two written by my friends, blogs that I enjoy a lot!  Hope you enjoy!

Me and South Asia rocks back in 2008, when our little girls were still little.

SOUTHASIAROCKS -I’ve been reading SouthAsiaRocks for about 6 years now and it is my favorite ex-pat blog. I know the author personally and here is what I love about her and her writing. No one, I mean NO ONE seems to enjoy life more, even when it obviously stinks. Living in South Asia as an American must be challenging – really tough. But she always finds the bright side and always comes away with a great story – and not in a phony disingenuous way either. She has taught me so much about how we can’t always determine what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond. She has chosen joy! Plus, she is a killer photographer and cultural observer.

Derek Webster -  I know some of my readers know Derek personally, as I do. He is a former work collegue and someone whom I respect greatly. I link to him because he is a visionary. He is a completely outside the box thinker with serious intellectual heft behind his posts and thoughts. Sometimes I have to read his writing slowly to digest all that he is saying – sort of like no one can rush through a big ol’ steak. You gotta chew. But I love how he sees the world. And I love how he writes about ministry perspectives I hear almost no one else talking about. He is planting a church in Richmond these days and his thoughts on church planting meets culture meets ministry philosophy are priceless.

Why I Blog pt. 1- I’m Not A Hopeless Depressive, I’m A Verbal Processor

After looking at the recent posts on my blog, I feel the need to explain myself. If I were a random person reading my last few entries with no context, I might conclude that the writer was a) seriously depressed b) stuck in the middle of really miserable circumstances or c) a very dark person with no sense of humor. Not so! I’ve got a great life! A hot husband who brings me flowers and buffalo wings! Three wonderful kids who think I’m the best cook ever! And I can be fun! I laugh – sometimes inappropriately and usually at things no one else finds funny, but still, I laugh out loud. Often!

Look! I can be happy!!!

So let me spend a few blog entries and give some context as to why I write and how I choose what to write about. Hopefully I can help whoever is reading to better understand exactly what it is that they are reading.

One of the primary reasons I blog is because I am a verbal processor. That means I think about things as I am talking/writing about them. In fact, the talking/writing process helps me to identify and decide what it is exactly that I’m thinking/feeling. This can make me a dangerous blogger for someone who isn’t very familiar with me either in person or via blog because I often write in the moment, as something is whistling through my life and heart. I write about what I am presently thinking about, wrestling with, hurting over and experiencing.

As a result, it doesn’t always come out nice and clean and pretty. Often, as I’m writing, I’m still figuring out where exactly I’m going to land and what conclusions I am going to make about my situation. So, if I were to write a particular blog entry a few days later, after the wrestling is over, it would probably come out very differently. But if I wrote it a few days later I would have missed the opportunity to record the experience and exactly what it felt like before I knew the answer. And generally speaking, my writing is better when it is fueled by the emotion and passion of the moment.

I guess the short way to say this is that my blog is part journal, part therapy. There is often a lot of raw honesty – sometimes a bit too much, I know. I’m willing to own that. But all that honesty is actually on the way to somewhere – to more of God, to a greater understanding of His grace, love , identity and plan for my life. And the road to true intimacy with God, to the vibrant spiritual depth that I long for is a rugged and twisted one. Pretending otherwise at its best is bad storytelling and at its worst is dishonest. I hope to be both a good and honest storyteller!

Many of my recent blog entries are “on the way” posts. Stick around for a while and I think you’ll get a chance to read the “I finally got there!” entries.