Being Human and Meeting God There ( pt. 1)

These days I’m thinking about identity. Mine. And how to walk skillfully with others into fully discovering theirs. This is very important stuff  as God speaks quite a bit about who He is and who we are in relation to Him. In fact, if we could learn to nail down those two things, I suspect most of our issues would work themselves out with a lot less drama. As a result, I am diving into powerful truth here, one that seems obvious in theory, but can be much more complicated as it works its way out in reality.

God speaks to me in my humanity. I know this because He not only made humans, He made me human. Which is a little different from being a human. One is an adjective, the other a noun. “That human over there has a heart.”(noun) “To be human is to have a heart.” (adjective) I’m talking about the adjective. God made us human. That means pain. Poop. Family joy and drama. Complicated emotions and desires. Limitations. Sin and its devastating consequences. Bodies and wonderful physical sensations. Food. Memories. Heartbreak. Not being able to stop smiling when you see something smile-worthy.

And when Jesus wanted to communicate His identity to us most clearly, He became not just a human, but human. Sharing all our human-ness. So we would understand and know Him, who isn’t. (Col. 1:15)

The longer I walk with Jesus, the more I find that the most vibrant, most life-giving, most satisfying and honestly, most supernatural interactions I have with Him flow from my humanity: when His divinity slams right into the middle of my humanity. My flesh. My heart. My reality. My mess and general messiness. My sin and all the damage it has wreaked in my life and others. And when I bring my human-ness to Him, with gut-wrenching honesty, with genuine humility, the craziest things happen: sanctification, spiritual fruit in my life, ministry to others.

While there is great power in a heart that longs for eternity, there is also great power in a life that is firmly and rightly anchored here and now on earth. This is where we live and this is where He meets with us. Who I am, who God has made me to be, what shaping events and forces Jesus has allowed and used in my life to lead me to where I am today…they are an intricate part of how I relate to Him.  And my relationship with Him is everything.

I’ve often said, especially to the young university girls who some how keep ending up on my couch, talking about God’s will for their lives, “If you want to know where a road is going, look at where its been.” It is generally true of roads, it is generally true of people’s lives. Looking back can often provide powerful clues to where we are going. I-75 runs north-south. I-20 runs east-west. They may take a sudden dramatic turn due to a hill, body of water or another road converging, but they inexorably return to their original heading. Sometimes, with there always being exceptions, I think this is something of how our lives work as well. Who I have been and who I am provide a lot of clues to who I can become.

Of course, following Jesus leads us in a 180 degree turn from where our sin was leading us. But our sin isn’t the only thing leading us. God’s providence moves us all – in our families, significant relationships, nationality, place in history, personalities, giftings, dreams, education, experiences. (Acts 17:26-27) While Jesus leads us out of our sin, He also leads us into more of who He made us to be, in all its beautiful, multi-layered complexities. That is the journey of sanctification, maturity, discipleship, restoration, healing.

So I’m working through a series of thoughts I want to explore for a bit on the blog. They are some of the shaping forces that have made me who I am today: because out of that is where I meet with Him. Out of my humanity, my human-ness, that is where I meet Him. And while the truth I’ll be writing about is framed in my story, my hope is that you will find something of yours in it as well. Maybe you’ll recognize something God has placed in your human-ness, to point you to Him.

I’m going to start with my experiences of being an adult third culture kid and army brat. How I grew up has had some tremendous implications for what my present looks like. And, in true Deanna-fashion, I plan on doing it in a bit of a non-linear, hopefully creative and rather unexpected way. Hope you’ll come along for the ride.

Unconventional Marks of Spiritual Maturity – Response to leadership

Heb. 13:17 Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.

How someone responds to leadership says a lot about their spiritual maturity. I know some people who always have a better idea, who always have to give their input no matter how uninvited it is, who can always come up with a scathingly and brutally honest critique of someone else’s work and describe exactly what is wrong with it, often in excruciating detail. They love to deconstruct and analyze a leader’s motives, skills, decisions, performance, words and giftings.

But they don’t want to lead themselves. For them, the back seat is much better than the front seat. They have a season pass to the peanut gallery. Rather than getting their hands dirty and choosing to play the game with everyone else, they want to wear the referee’s stripes and blow the whistle at every slight infraction, at every play that doesn’t meet with their approval.

Rather than getting in the mix of things and deciding to play themselves, to be part of the solution, they choose, even if it is through passivity to be part of the problem. In short, these are the people who are a pain in the neck to lead. They are like the goats you have to lead down the road, who dig in their heels and refuse to move. Their stubbornness soaks up large amounts of energy that could be directed in other more positive directions and slows everyone else’s forward movement.

I think it says a lot about a person’s spiritual maturity by how they respond to leadership. Do leaders like to see you coming in to a group, on a team or as part of a project assignment? Do you proactively seek to find your place in a group, figuring out where you can contribute the greatest amount? Do you think about how to benefit the group collectively? Or is your natural bent always figuring out how to protect your personal interests?  Do you make the leader’s job pleasant or are you the thorn in their flesh? In short, are you a joy to lead? Or a pain in the neck?

I’m not talking about blindly following someone, about abdicating all personal initiative or never offering honest feedback when the time is right. And I’m not talking about when the existing leadership is lacking, stepping up and in to lead when the time and circumstance is right. I’m talking about when healthy leadership is in place, when the vision is clear and the direction set – and then voluntarily choosing to work with those over you. I’m talking about willingly putting your needs and wants under the needs and wants of the group as a whole, about choosing to appropriately participate, about encouraging the leaders over you when their job is hard. About getting in and rowing with them. About using words and actions to construct, not destroy.

When the time and circumstances are right, how do you do at that? I think that how one responds to leadership says a lot about someone’s spiritual maturity.

Unconventional Marks of Spiritual Maturity – landing on your feet

Recently I had a dirty, rotten, no good week. Pretty much every sort of conflict you could imagine. Disappointment. Frustration. Fatigue. It all piled up at once and I had good cry. Several actually. A while later however, I remembered I had eaten that day. I was fully clothed with things I got to choose. I knew that even though my circumstances certainly weren’t of my choosing and certainly weren’t bringing me any joy at the present, I could see that good would come in the future. I could even see God’s hand in it rather clearly. It was just taking me a while for my heart to catch up to my head. I was falling in a hole of doubt and insecurity – and after a bit of a free fall, I landed on my feet. Sort of. I still wasn’t especially happy, but at least I was standing.

I’ve seen other people handle their crises with much more grace than I ever could. I see them fall, like we all do, but land on their proverbial feet. Because the ground they stand on is solid. They know who God is, that He loves them, that they are safe in His arms, that nothing happens to them that doesn’t pass through His hands first, that He works all things out for their good.

When difficult things happen – crisis, THE phone call, a break up, a relationship ends, forced conflict or pain…how quickly do you regain your footing, realizing that God is in control, after the initial emotion wears off? I think this a good, albeit unconventional mark of spiritual maturity – how quickly one lands after a significant free fall.

Unconventional Marks of Spiritual Maturity – What Type Of Student Are They?

(Part 2 in the Unconventional Marks of Spiritual Maturity series)

Pr. 10:19 When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

I remember feeling very disappointed with the men in my church. I had dropped in to a Sunday School class with an excellent teacher. And several men in the class repeatedly interrupted him. Positively, they were obviously engaged in the lesson. They had some great thoughts and insights. It appeared that they were developing teachers, just waiting for their chance to teach.

But they were terrible students. They didn’t know how to listen or how to appropriately participate so that they honored their teacher instead of interrupting him. Their pride and arrogance shut down their hearts so that I’m pretty sure they didn’t hear a thing. They were too busy thinking about what they wanted to say next rather than carefully listening for what God might want to say to them.

Some people think that someone who is a good teacher, who can lead and contribute much to discussions and Bible studies is spiritually mature. That may be, but …

I think you can tell a lot about where a person is spiritually by what type of student they are. How do they learn? Do they listen thoughtfully to the Word of God and think about its implications for their lives before they begin thinking about how to apply it to someone else’s life? Is there a gentleness in their learning style that makes them a pleasure to teach? Do they ask questions and actually listen to the answers? Or are they doing more talking than listening?I’m not saying that people shouldn’t participate or vigorously join in a discussion, but that we should think about how to participate constructively.

We’ve all been in a small groups with the know-it-all, the person who is sure they know more than the teacher. With the non-stop talker, who won’t be quiet long enough to hear what any one else is saying. With the arguer, who wants to debate even the silly things. With the criticizer, who complains incessantly. Frankly, no one wants to see them coming in the door, even if they have a lot of potential as a leader or teacher. Their behavior tells us more about the condition of their heart than their words ever could.

Lord, may I never teach another lesson, if I am not first the type of student that teachers want to have in their classes. Help me to recognize when to keep my mouth closed, my ears wide open and my heart soft.

Unconventional Marks of Spiritual Maturity –the wrong measure

(Part 1 of the Unconventional Marks series.)

(highlights of the incendiary passage of Matt. 23:24-28) You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel….You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence….First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean….you are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean….on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness….

I was at a conference once with a bunch of students from a large mid-western Baptist Student Union. And I had to laugh. It was obvious to me that the guys there had some sort of unspoken dress code. They were all wearing t-shirts under plaid button up shirts, baggy cargo shorts and ball caps with the bills curled up tightly. Sandals. Lots of sandals. They all spoke the same language with acronyms for all the different Bible studies and ministries they were involved in. They listened to the same music. Read the same books. They looked just alike. Cute, to be sure, but just alike.

I can’t help but think that many of them mistook conformity, morality, knowledge and attendance for true spirituality. Because they looked the part, behaved a certain way, knew a lot of Bible verses and showed up at the right events, they, and probably everyone else, assumed they were moving towards spiritual maturity. And they may have been. But are those really the things that make someone a mature disciple of Christ?

Generally, the Christian community loves folks who conform, behave, study and attend. When we see these external characteristics, we assume someone is doing ok internally. But one thing I’ve discovered after years of ministry is that what is seen on the outside is not necessarily an indication of the internal condition. There are lots of people out there who are quite beautiful on the outside and incredibly messed up on the inside.

So, is there a better way for us to measure how we are doing spiritually? I want to take a few entries and explore what I’ve found to be some unconventional but often accurate marks of a growing and vital spiritual maturity – a depth in their relationship with God that translates to a changed, Christ-like life.

“They Won’t Want To Copy You”

I Cor. 11:1 Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.

I was having a conversation recently with a good friend of mine who is a superstar in ministry: high-capacity, high energy, influential, effective and well-respected. She everything a dynamic leader should be and has accomplished much in her life. She told me about a conversation she had years ago with a colleague who was making an observation on her life from the outside. He told her, “People will admire you. They will respect you. But they won’t want to copy you.” She said it was something that had haunted her since.

Is is really possible to follow God passionately, to exhibit holiness and effectiveness and that the people you are leading look at your life and say, “No thanks”?  Even if your life is spent in ministry and service to God. Even if your life exhibits all the characteristics to which most people would say they aspire to. Paul teaches in the verse above from First Corinthians that our lives should be repeatable in someone else’s life. I think it is implied that the lives of believers should look attractive enough to others that they would want to follow our example. Of course different people have different callings on their lives and to whom God has entrusted much, much will be demanded. (Luke 12:48) Some people are called to be pacesetters and live lives on the upper edge of busyness. That is fine. But still, I don’t think God intended for their to be two classes of believers – those working themselves to death and spectators watching from the sidelines, cheering them on. I think His intent is probably somewhere in the middle, that everyone find their place of service and contribution. Perhaps the tightly wound type A’s need to ease off the gas a bit, if for no other reason, to model healthy behavior for others or even, to create opportunities for others to get in the game. Perhaps the laid back type B’s need to step up to the plate and get in the game so the type A’s don’t have to kill themselves to get the work done.

Busyness isn’t always effectiveness. Sometimes people who live lives of great intensity are doing so, not because God has asked them to, but because it feeds an insecurity of their own: they define themselves not by whose they are but by what they do. It might be an attempt to earn their salvation, pump their ego or bully others to do what they want. It might just be that it is the only way they know to do things. My industrial engineer husband always says, “Work smarter, not harder.” The principle is to constantly evaluate the best use of time and resources to get a job done, while not killing the worker.

I think balance in the life of a believer is crucial. In between the necessary times of hard work and nose to the grindstone, (Time before an exam, a project is due, an event takes place) are there seasons of rest, joy and pleasure? (Time to read, spend with friends, eat good meals and recharge your batteries?) Is there a balance between output and input? Between giving and receiving? Would people look at your life and want to copy it? If not, perhaps a time of introspection would be helpful.

Echoes of Your Life

Recently I was paid a great, great honor. This fall I went to the Connexxion Zoom Conference in Germany. It’s where the past and present staff downloaded much of what they’ve learned over the last 10 years of successful work among post-modern European university students. My husband and I worked with them for three of the happiest years of our lives. Anja, a ministry leader in Braunschweig, got up to share a mentoring/communication principle that she uses in her personal ministry – and it was one she learned from me! (If you are familiar with my teaching at all, you’ve heard me teach the train – how we lay track for the Holy Spirit to come into our lives.)

Since most of what I teach also comes from those who taught me, and since it isn’t always easy to actually see how God uses our words in the lives of others, it was really encouraging for me to see an echo of my life bouncing around out there.

Potty Training and Discipleship

I’m in the throes of potty training around here. (Not for me, mind you…) Yeah, and it’s not going so well. It’s not that my little one isn’t capable of using the toilet.  She has in the past. It’s not that she doesn’t grasp the concept of “this goes here”. We’ve read all sorts of books and even conducted quite a few lab experiments, so I know she understands what we are talking about. It’s not that she doesn’t know when she has to go. As with most things in life, timing is everything, and as with most things in life, we always seem to be a few minutes too late.

I was trying to remember what we did with our two oldest kids and I joked, “Well, they turned 16, and it seems like they just figured it out.” That’s not exactly how it happened, but since every kid is different, every experience is different also. A “this is how we’ve always done it” approach will not work in this instance.

No, our problem is that our toddler doesn’t want to. She has made a conscious decision to do things her own way, in her own time. And as every mother will tell you, in this area, the child is in complete control. Rewards, routine, books, videos, threats, shame, bribing, expert teaching, peer pressure, modeling, detailed explanations with diagrams…try whatever you want, but until the child wants to in their own hearts, no one on earth is going to force this on them. They’ve got to own it. And my baby doesn’t just yet.

Over the years in ministry, I’ve discovered that the greatest thing about working with young people is also the worst thing at the same time. Sometimes, you see them make great decisions. They choose to follow God joyfully and wholeheartedly. They choose to study and apply their Bible. They choose to pursue intentional, life-giving relationships that point them towards spiritual depth. They choose to re-orient their finances, schedules and future plans around God-centered priorities. When a young person decides to own their faith, it’s one of the most exciting things you’ll ever see.

The flip side however is that sometimes young people choose not to. They make a conscious decision about the direction of their lives and it doesn’t matter what anyone on the outside does. You can’t force anyone to pursue spiritual growth. It’s not that the role of discipler/mentor is a completely passive one, but if they choose not to own it, there really isn’t much I can do.

This has several interesting/heartbreaking implications:

1. I’m going to lose some women. They just wander off. And it’s not personal.

2. The work of prayer is vitally important. It is the invitation to God to lead and move. And if He doesn’t, then not much is going to happen.

3. The true work and focus of discipleship is about the heart, not a to-do list. God is the only one who can change a heart, so what He does and how He works in the process is the most important part. A discipler/mentor’s role is to facilitate His work in their lives.

So how do I get a toddler to want to use the potty? How do I get a young person to want more of God in their lives?Surprisingly, the two questions aren’t as far apart as one would think.