Random Life Lessons With Deanna pt. 4 – Pain Is Never Convenient

I think I broke my pinky toe the other day. I slammed it into a suitcase that I had left in a walk way. Totally my fault. And totally inconvenient.

My broken toe. Amazing how something so small makes such a big impact. The photo doesn't do the bruising justice, by the way.

It has swelled up and parts of it are turning lovely shades of purple and pink and grey. Nice.

If you keep up with this blog, you just read that I am in the middle of training (trying to train anyway) for a longer race in the next few months. This injury means more pain for me. And it comes at a very inconvenient time. But really, when is pain convenient? When do we ever have the emotional margin, extra time and energy to say, “Hey, now would be a great time for a crisis?”

I am learning that pain management and healing takes place in the spaces of my present life. Sometimes whatever my issue is demands a bit more than I was prepared to give it.  While I didn’t see a jammed toe coming, I am learning to intentionally create margins so that I have room to handle the unexpected. This means that now I need a bit more rest than I had planned. I’ll be experiencing a bit more pain than I would like. I’m finding that this whole thing really isn’t very convenient.

What a metaphor for what life throws at us.

So, how do I deal with injuries while the rest of my complicated life doesn’t stop? A broken toe is an interesting thing. Small as it is, it will not be denied. How I walk has been affected. It doesn’t really matter that now is not a good time, now is when I have to take care of it.  I must give it attention.

What is it in your life that isn’t convenient, but won’t be denied? How will you calendar the emotional and relational time to take care of it?

Random Life Lessons With Deanna pt. 3 – Rest Is Good

While it may surprise some of my readers to know this, I am a runner. Not fast mind you, but steady. My goals as a runner have always been to run a set amount of time and to not stop. Never stop.

Yeah, um...so that IS a lot of sweat and I don't have pink shoes like the gal behind me... but I did finish!!!

Because weak people need a break. (Sarcasm alert)

Yeah, I can hear you asking me if I’ve spoken to a therapist about this Freudian slip… If you’ve read this blog at all, you know that I’ve got issues and that is one of mine… It is funny isn’t it, how God has a way of addressing our deepest needs through the most random of life circumstances and lessons. If we are looking for it that is.

So, right now I am training for a race. I’m a little hesitant to say just how long this race is and where it is for fear that something will happen during my training process and I won’t make my goal. More Freudian-ish undertones here…I don’t want to be embarrassed if I don’t make it, so I’ll just tell y’all about it afterwards. Hang with me here as I do actually have a point…

This race is a longer one. Longer than I’ve ever run before, so I’m having to train with longer run times and distances. Now, remember, one of my goals has always been to not stop. And I’ve been asking myself why that is. Where does the drive to push myself unnecessarily come from? I mean, there is no one forcing me to do this. This is a choice I am making, for my physical health, for my emotional well-being (the discipline of setting and finishing a goal) and because I just feel like it is something I want to accomplish.

But in thinking about how I will progress, maybe a better goal is to finish. And maybe I should start making decisions about how to run in light of the end, not just the means. How I run isn’t nearly as important as where I am running to.  I just want to get to the end successfully.

Through a series of training incidents, I’ve had to loosen up on my “no stopping” policy. I’ve had to stop for a breather during some of my longer runs – to let a car pass by, to tie my shoe, to cue up the next podcast, etc. Not long breaks, in fact I prefer to keep them to less than 30 seconds so I don’t lose momentum or drive to finish. But darned if those rest periods haven’t led to a break through in running longer distances. Just the fact that I’m stopping for a bit, to recover and restart…it seems to be a key for me to finishing the race I’ve set out for myself.

And there is no shame in resting along the way. The shame would be in not finishing because I didn’t run a smart race.

The random life lesson I’m learning through this isn’t limited to running of course. Some seasons of life are about taking a breather. About giving the muscles that have been doing all the heavy lifting for years a chance to recover. About looking forward to the rest of the race and making sure I’ve got the endurance to get to the finish line.

So I’m thinking about pacing and resting and finishing – and how to incorporate practices into my life to make sure I go the distance. Rest is good.

Random Life Lessons With Deanna pt. 2 – Occasional Embarrassment Is Good

I’ve been distinctly and significantly embarrassed recently. And in true blogger fashion, I feel compelled to spill it here. Fortunately, both times became learning experiences for me, which led to the title of this blog post and its content.

When I was in Berlin this summer, I was walking through the city with my friend when I stepped in a hole. I proceeded to sprain my ankle and then, a few moments later, passed out. Yeah, not my greatest moment. I can now look back and laugh and have even blogged about the experience, but that day – I remember feeling very embarrassed. Embarrassed that I wasn’t watching where I was going. Embarrassed that I got hurt so badly through my own negligence. Embarrassed that it happened in front of a friend who saw it all. Embarrassed that I felt so weak, couldn’t control my body, put myself in a position of such neediness. I remember thinking, “I don’t think I’ll be able to share this story with anyone else for a long time.”

But I did end up sharing this story with the women at the retreat I was leading that weekend and learned a great lesson. When I bring stories like this into the light, they lose their power. The shame lightens. I was able to laugh about it just a few hours later and even used it as a great introduction for the weekend.

On that same trip, I was with another friend, shopping in Oslo. Those who know me know how I love to ask people, sometimes random people, a good question. The practice often gains me useful knowledge and a good story. This time around however, I got neither. I was at some store where the clerk was a young Norwegian girl. I thought to myself, I’ll ask some sort of question about youth culture in Norway. Brief caveat: don’t ask a question you haven’t formulated in your mind very well as if it is misty in your mind, it will be a complete fog to someone else. The bottom line was that I wasn’t sure what I wanted to ask, I wasn’t sure how to ask it and the girl had no idea how to answer. I looked like an idiot – which wouldn’t have been a problem if my friend wasn’t right there listening to me. I guess part of the lesson here is that embarrassment is magnified by how well you know those you are embarrassed in front of. I could have swept this story under the rug had there not been a witness.

She and I actually had a good conversation later about why I chose that particular moment to ask something, what my thought process was and why it didn’t work, so I did come away with some valuable knowledge. I’m sure my question asking was greatly improved that day. The priceless nugget however was, previously that weekend, she had asked me, “Deanna, how do ask such good questions?” (ha) And I was able to answer, “I ask good questions only because I also ask so many stinkers. I learn what works by painfully working through what doesn’t.” That is quite a bit of truth right there. Trial and error, and not being afraid of the error, is one of life’s greatest teachers. 

Both experiences made me look foolish. Both experiences were a bit painful, one physically, both emotionally. Yet both experiences were valuable. My conclusion? Occasional embarrassment, channeled properly, can be a very good experience.