Sometimes I come to Jesus with tears in my eyes, almost always with them in my heart, and I ask… sometimes sob, sometimes wail, sometimes just whisper …”Fix this. Oh please, fix this.”
And instead of fixing it like I hoped, wanted, asked, begged…He does something different… unexpected…at times so very disappointing…yet ultimately better. He walks into the pain with me.
A God who doesn’t always fix things. Who has the power to resolve and heal with a word yet chooses not to. Not how I expect anyway. Who says, “I know this hurts. I know how things are playing out is profoundly disappointing for you. I know my choices for you aren’t what you would choose and lead you to question my goodness and love for you. But what you see as a “non-answer” is actually a better answer. There are things I am doing in you through the pain that are worth far more than just the avoidance of the pain. Will you trust Me? Will you let me walk into it with you? Will you follow Me where I am leading you?”
Somehow, walking with Jesus into my pain is better than Him just fixing it.
A God who willingly gets His hands dirty in the mess of my life. Who not only allows, but welcomes the questions and wrestling that come with an honest experience with Him. Who doesn’t phone in His participation in my life, but goes there with me, to the darkness, the weeping…and walks with me in it all. And then, when I can’t walk anymore but just crumple on the roadside, sits with me, holds me, watches over me, till I can get up again.
The journey of sanctification, of growing in my faith, of growing me, leads through pain, not around it.
Pain has a work to do in my life. One that is so important, so valuable and ultimately so wonderful that Jesus, in His love, can’t deny me. It leads me to Him. To more of Him. To bypassing the trap of knowing a lot about Jesus and thinking that is the same as actually KNOWING Him.
A God who gives His presence as the greatest gift. Who refuses to allow me to think His gifts are the greatest gift. Who takes my pain and flips it, using it for me and not against me.
Ps. 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.